This past week has been one of those soul shaking moments when the world’s ugliness has been hard to ignore. The headlines alone made me want to climb under a quilt and stay there. And yet—even amid all that darkness, there have been striking displays of faith and kindness: people clinging to God, reaching out to neighbors, choosing love in the face of hate.
Growing up in church, we often sang the hymn “Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth.” As a girl, I remember singing the words and wondering if such a home could be real, and joyfully, I’ve found it is. Not perfect, of course (one glance at the handful of half finished projects around our house will put an end to any illusions of celestial perfection), but still—a place of peace, laughter, and learning. And the longer I parent, the more I see how vital it is to build homes that are sanctuaries, where children grow into strong, decent, well-regulated human beings who can make society better, no matter what storms rage outside. I believe that is done by building an intentional family culture based on strong values.
Years ago, I read Clayton Christensen’s book How Will You Measure Your Life, and it lodged deep in my heart. Christensen taught that life’s meaning isn’t found in achievements or accolades but in relationships, choices, and integrity. Many of his insights about business strategy apply beautifully to families—but some of what I’ve learned has come from the school of experience too. Here are a few practices that, over time, have helped us build a strong family culture in our home:
1. Make family dinner sacred.
Christensen reminded his students that strategy is lived out in the small daily decisions, not in grand declarations. In family life, protecting dinnertime is one of those small-but-mighty decisions. It doesn’t have to be elaborate (Costco lasagna is welcome at my table), but it does need to be regular. And this will require making choices to forego certain activities/sport in favor of regular family dinners. We chose to prioritize family dinner when our kids were very young, and now that I have (almost) 3 grown children, I have no regrets. Family dinner is sacred time, it’s transformative. Around the dinner table, children learn to tell stories, listen to each other, and laugh at inside jokes. They learn they belong.
(Get my meal planning guide for easy family dinners.)
2. Build your home around family, not just aesthetics.
A house becomes a home when it serves people, not the other way around. The most family-centered spaces aren’t the ones with perfect décor, but the ones where puzzles can spread across the table and a well loved couch invites lingering. I always say I don’t like my furniture to feel precious. I want anyone, and especially our family to feel comfortable putting their feet up, and getting cozy in our home. Christensen wrote about aligning resources with priorities—our homes should reflect the same. Do our spaces whisper: family time matters here? Your home should feel like a hug, not a showroom.
(read: How to create character in your home through pattern and texture)
3. Anchor in faith.
The storms of society will come, hard times will come. I’ve learned this through my own heartbreaks–losing a child, job loss, chronic illness, etc. Life is hard! The faith my own parents instilled in me, anchored my soul during the most difficult times in my life. The dark times would have been unbearable without it. What steadies our children (and us) is a strong faith practice—daily prayer, scripture study, Sabbath observance, and most of all, modeling behavior that is consistent with our beliefs. These rituals orient us toward God and quietly assure our children: that they don’t have to weather any storm alone. Our faith in Jesus Christ gives us so much hope no matter what life throws at us. He makes the good times sweeter and gives us strength to bear our burdens with peace. Give your children the gift of faith.
4. Work and play together.
Families grow closer when they sweat side by side—whether it’s raking leaves, scrubbing the kitchen, or painting a room. My children have forged the deepest friendships in conversations while working together. And, they also need play: hikes, board games, kitchen dance parties, puzzles. Shared labor builds competence and camaraderie; shared play builds friendship and joy. Both stitch a family together.
(READ: 10 simple tips for keeping your home clean and tidy.)
5. Set shared goals.
Just as teams thrive when united by a mission, families thrive when they pursue common goals. It might be reading scriptures together every morning, saving for a trip, or committing to a service project. Shared goals create unity, a sense that “we’re in this together,” and they teach children cooperation better than any lecture could. 3 years ago, we made the decision as a family to paint our house ourselves and put the money we had saved toward a trip to Norway as our reward. We spent months on this project, it was hot, sweaty, hard work, and we were all so happy when it was over, but looking back on that experience feels so special now it’s almost sacred. And we all enjoyed that sweet crisp Norwegian air all the more because we had worked so hard together to earn it.
6. Live by shared values.
Our family has a few simple mantras: we can do hard things, we are all on the same team, God comes first, then family, then everything else, and we disagree with love and respect. These values are like the guardrails on a mountain road—they keep us safe when life’s curves get steep. Repeating them often, and modeling them ourselves (the hardest part), turns lofty ideals into lived reality, and helps my children gain a strong confidence in themselves and a sense of who they are.
None of this is glamorous. Much of it requires repetition, patience, and sometimes sheer stubbornness. But slowly, almost invisibly, these practices create a culture—a way of being together—that can withstand just about anything. If you haven’t taken the time to set an intention around your family culture, I highly recommend doing so. And here’s something to consider: you are already creating a family culture whether you mean to or not so, you might as well be intentional with it. Begin with the end in mind. What platform do you want to give your kids for launching into the world? What memories and rhythms do you want to look back on? If you need a little help getting started, click here to get a worksheet that can help you create your own family culture.
So while the news may leave me unsettled, I return to that childhood hymn and remember, “home can be a heaven on earth.” It’s not a naïve hope. It’s the most practical, radical, and joyful work we can do.
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Finn’s room has been the room of many uses since we moved into our house. It started as Hannah’s room and then when Ava was old enough, we moved them into the same room to share and it became a dedicated guest bedroom and office for me to work in. Last year when I found out I was pregnant with Finn, the room went through another change. Now its a combined nursery for our darling babe and guest bedroom for the occasional out of town visitor. It’s large enough for a crib and a full size bed with makes it ideal for a multi-use room, and it turns out I actually love having a bed in there for those long nursing nights. But more on that another time…
The trick I’ve found with designing multi-use spaces is giving them the right feel, without making them too bland since they have to do a lot. I didn’t want this space to be too kids-y or juvenile, but I did want it to feel cute and homey. I wanted it to feel classic and be a space that could grow with Finn. I mostly focused on mixing textures and prints with florals and plaids, and adding pops of deep greens, and rich wood shades. The space is still in progress, I’ve got trim on the window to finish, and window coverings to choose, bit we are slowly getting there with this little combination nursery and guest bedroom.
I did want to create a corner in the room that was exclusively for Finny, and made it feel like a baby’s room without being too cutesy. I also wanted to break up the art and add a little more texture to the room’s walls, so I put together a little nursery vignette in the corner. Vignette’s are a fun way to create more personality in a space beyond art, and I think they are just perfect for a kid’s or baby’s room. Here’s how I did it.
First up I started with these spice rack shelves. They’re the perfect size and are easy to double up, and the little bar on the front make’s it easy to display items and pictures. I knew I wanted to have a double shelf on the bottom and one off-set on the top. I painted the shelves “vintage vogue” from Benjamin Moore. It’s the same moody green I painted the crib and bed, and it’s a beautiful color. Painting the shelves this color tied the whole room together more cohesively, but the shelves come raw so they can also be stained. Find these and similar rack shelves below:
Below the shelves I added some racks with knobs that I stained the same color as Finn’s dresser. Now, we’re ready to decorate.
I wanted the vignette to feel collected and personal to Finn. I stared with 3 vintage frames in different sizes; I filled one with a pretty vintage art print, and the other two with black and white photos of my Grandpa when he was a child. Finn’s middle name is after my grandpa so I wanted something in the space to remind us of him. On the shelf I also placed a vintage book of Robert Louis Stevenson children’s poetry I found in an antique shop years ago. (My mom used to sing many of his poems to me and my siblings growing up so it’s a special book.) And I also added a sweet little stuffed animal I found for Finn in a shop in Maine while I was pregnant last fall.
From the racks I hung some of my favorite of Finn’s newborn outfits on these darling little hangers. I love that I can preserve and display them, especially because they have really happy memories, and it really helps the room feel a little more whimsical for a little one.
That’s how I put together Finn’s vignette in the nursery. I like that we can switch things up and change things around over the years as he grows!
See how to make a vintage art print look like an original here.
How to transform thrift store frames into vintage art.
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Sweater. Jeans. Slippers. Ring.
Every Sunday, after our 3 hours of worship at church, we come home and the first thing I do is change into my comfiest sweats, make myself a cup of cocoa, and head up to my room to curl up on my bed with whatever book I am currently reading. It’s my favorite time of the week. My bedroom is a bright, cozy space filled with the spirit of hygge and it’s one of my favorite places to be in our home. Today I’m going to share the joy of hygge and give you 6 ways to create a cozy winter bedroom.
For those of you who may be wondering what the heck hygge is, let’s touch on the concept of it. (And I’d be willing to bet you’ve already been living it without knowing it.)
Hygge is the Danish art of all things cozy. Think: curling up with a cup cocoa and a book, Grandma’s chicken pot pie, or a roaring fire on a rainy day. It is all about being cozy and enjoying the simple pleasures in life, really enjoying them. To put it in perspective, the concept of hygge is to the Danish what freedom is to Americans. Which leads me to believe that I must have some Danish blood running through my veins because I’ve been unconsciously subscribing to it my entire life. It comes as naturally to me as breathing. It’s why I love baking bread, curling up with a book, building a big fire, or just savoring a rainy day. It’s left its mark on almost every aesthetic decision I’ve made in my life and touches every corner of my home. It’s less about things and more about creating a feeling. I’ve always wanted my home to feel warm and welcoming, natural and homey. Today I want to talk about creating the feeling in your bedroom, and why it’s so important.
For a lot of our marriage, creating a bedroom that we loved, was low on my priority list. I mean, no one comes in your bedroom. You don’t welcome guests there, it’s not a high traction area of your house, and the main purpose for which it was created involves you being unconscious. And yet thoughtfully creating this space, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Taking time to create a space you love and love to be in is a bit like investing in yourself, it’s hard to explain or justify (at least to yourself) but the benefits to your peace of mind are immeasurable.
Everyone needs time to unwind, and your bedroom should serve as the sanctuary for you to do just that. This is especially true for me. My work, as a mother and in my business is all done from home, so the second I step outside my bedroom door, I’m on the clock. I see all the things that need to be done, all the laundry and dishes, and floors that need to be washed, meals that need to be prepared; I remember all the emails, invoices, and projects calling for my attention. But in my bedroom I feel calm and cozy, I can let myself slow down for a bid, curl up with a book, enjoy a cup of cocoa, and breathe in the feeling of hygge.
Here are 6 ways to create hygge in your bedroom this winter.
Tidy and decorate your room. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel at least a little stressed in a messy space, so tidy up your room and keep the laundry out of there until you are actually ready to put it away. (ie. don’t let it pile up.) Take the time to put a personal touch on your room. Pick a design aesthetic you’re going for and do something (even if it’s small and simple) to make the room a space you love. The style of our home is modern farmhouse, so I recently switched up our bed for this classic iron bed from Overstock, and we got a new cozy mattress from Tomorrow last fall, that makes me even more excited to tuck in every night. The updates don’t need to be expensive, but they should spark joy in you. We hung shiplap last month and I painted it a bright white to lighten up the space. We’ve also added touches of greenery as well as vintage items we’ve collected, and other pieces of art and photographs of happy memories. The prerequisite for anything being admitted to the space is that it has to spark joy.
Add some flannel bedding. Switch out your summer sheets for winter flannel ones. We also add a second down comforter with a cozy flannel duvet in a buffalo check. Flannel sheets are so much warmer and my husband and I literally can’t wait to jump into our cozy bed every night.
Create a reading nook. A chair, or even a bench next to the window where there’s good lighting is the perfect invite to stop and enjoy that book you’ve been meaning to read. Plus, reading every day is so good for you!
Add throws throughout the room. I’m famous among my kids for having throws everywhere around our house. My motto is there should always be a blanket within reach. We’ve got baskets and ottomans filled with throws in just about every room in the house. (Except the kitchen, haha.) A throw draped over the end of the bed, a chair or even a bench creates a hygge feeling in the room and is easy to grab whenever you want to get cozy.
Light a candle or two (or three). There’s nothing like the flickering light and the yummy smell of a good candle. Such a simple thing that brings so much pleasure.
Keep books in your room. I like to have books peppered around the room. It feels like an invitation to just sit down and read and creates a home, lived-in feel. I love adding vintage books (which you can find at most antique shops or even thrift stores.)
I hope these ideas help you to create your own feeling of hygge in your bedroom, and home. Now grab a cup of cocoa and get cozy…
*created in partnership with Overstock.com
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Okay guys, it only took me 8 months, but I finally have an update for you on our family room makeover. The one thing I’ve discovered about myself over the last 9 months of living in our farmhouse is that when it comes to designing spaces, I’m a real slow-cooker. When I have a design pickle, it takes me a while to sort it out. For example, exhibit A: our family room. Craig and I started working on this room almost the moment we moved into our farmhouse. (You can see the before here.) Besides the kitchen it is the most used room in the house. It’s where we sit by the fire and read, watch movies as a family, play games and just hang out together.
My mom gave me some really good advice years ago when I was overwhelmed with decorating our second house. It was twice the size of the little crackerbox our first house was and I didn’t really have any furniture or any clue where to start. She told me to start with one room, and just work on that room until it was finished. Then I would have one space that was finished, that made me happy, rather than spreading my time and resources across a bunch of spaces and not really making progress in any of them. It turns out, that was really good advice (that I’ve used in a lot of different applications) and it’s really helped me not get overwhelmed over the last 9 months as we started tackling our farmhouse.
So let’s talk about the family room, shall we? First of all this room presented a lot of design challenges. So let me tell you about those and then what I did to work around/with them. First of all, the family room is a long narrow room, while it’s actually quite large it’s narrow enough that figuring out where to place couches and the TV etc. Was a little tricky. It also left us with a big empty space my the entry door and no idea what to do with it. The ceilings are also lower than more modern houses (just around 7 feet), and the beams were originally stained a dark, dark brown (almost black) which made the room feel a little like a cave. Also, because our house was built over 100 years before they invented electricity a lot of our lighting is wall lighting, so enter the awkward sconce situation you see below. When we moved it the wall around the fireplace was this ugly wood paneling and it had a terrible mantel. Beside those, we have your basic old house lack of level floors and ceiling, but those were the major issues with the space.
click through to see more images of the room and what I did about each design challenge:
Sectional. Buffalo Check Chair. Striped Chair. Bookshelves. Jute Rug. Buffalo Check rug. Antique books. buffalo check pillows. swiss cross pillow. hooks. apolis tote. striped throw. floor lamp. similar swiss cross wood sign. antique French clock. farmhouse sign. similar sliding barn door (ours was made by Craig.)
My goal with the update was to really lighten up the space and create a warm, but fresh modern farmhouse feel. The first step was ripping out the old paneling around the fireplace and replacing it with shiplap painted white and a big reclaimed mantel. That got the room “livable,” as in I could stand to be in there. Next was figuring out how to furnish and arrange the furniture in the narrow space to fit our needs but still feel aesthetically pleasing. I literally arranged and rearranged this room 100 times before I finally settled on something that fit and felt right. (Just in time for Christmas, meaning adding a tree and rearranging everything again, lol.)
I also puzzled about what to do with the beam problem and eventually decided to go ahead and paint them white. We have exposed wood beams through our whole house, so I wasn’t super concerned with covering them up. Plus, I’ve learned you’ve got to make the right design decisions for you, and not worry about purists who would “never paint wood.” It took me more than half the summer and was literally the job from hell to paint these beams (I had to prime each one twice and then two coats of paint, all with a brush, not a roller, and it took even longer than it sounds, my neck is still kinked) but I am so happy I did. It immediately brightened and heightened the room, and I love the texture the white beams give the ceiling.
Next was figuring out what to do with the awkward wall sconce. To make it blend in and look more natural I designed a simple gallery wall around it. I was skeptical that it would make a difference, but it’s amazing how much you don’t notice the light fixture anymore. Plus, I love a good gallery wall. I think they fit really nice in a farmhouse because they are supposed to feel collected and personal.
Around the gallery wall is the awkward entry space. I literally spent months trying different ideas for how to use this space and we ultimate settled on creating a little sitting area, which I actually love. I find we end up sitting here to chat or read even more often than I thought we would and it makes the house feel so cozy. I also love how it accents the sliding barn door Craig built for the room.
I changed out our gray Ikea Sectionals slipcovers this spring for these bright off-white/beige ones, and I love them. I was a little worried about going that light in our house with 4 kids and a small dog, and a real fireplace that we actually use (that creates ash, etc.) but it turns out they have been perfect. The kids aren’t aloud to eat outside of the kitchen, which helps a lot, and if they get dirty, I just slip them off and throw them in the wash, and they’re good as new.
Since I kept the pallet very neutral in this room I wanted to incorporate some good plaids and stripes into the space, and I did so with throw pillows, this buffalo check rug and our sitting chairs. This buffalo check chair is my most recent find and I am obsessed.
So there you have it! If you have any questions about the space be sure to ask them in the comments and I’ll make sure and get back to you. Right now we are working on choosing our furniture for the living room (we’re going with a modern French farmhouse style in there- a little more formal) and I can’t wait to show you how it turns out!
Sectional. Buffalo Check Chair. Striped Chair. Bookshelves. Jute Rug. Buffalo Check rug. Antique books. buffalo check pillows. swiss cross pillow. hooks. apolis tote. striped throw. floor lamp. similar swiss cross wood sign. antique French clock. farmhouse sign. similar sliding barn door (ours was made by Craig.)
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