When my mother gave birth to him after three long years of infertility, the doctor suggested she place him in an institution and forget about him. It was a very different world back then. My parents had no idea their baby would be any different from any other child. Routine testing for Downs wasn’t common in 1980. When those kind of “tragedies” occurred back then, they were put away quietly, and life resumed. But my parents are wonderful human beings, and they have cherished my brother since the day he was born.
The world they raised him in however, was a different place than it is today.
While my brother, sisters and I were growing up, those with intellectual disabilities were still, for the most part, segregated from the rest of society. When he started early childhood intervention at three years old he was bused to the special ed school 45 minutes away; it was the closest one to our home. My mom cried like a child the morning they placed him on the bus. By the time he was old enough for elementary school, they had a special ed one closer in town. And towards the end of his school career, he spent one day a week in a single class at our high school, but still the majority of his time was spent learning in a separate location.
When we used to go on outings as a family, people would stare. Some were unkind; most were not. But my brother was different, and they noticed, and we noticed them notice. When kids at school found out about my brother they said things like, “I’m sorry.” or “That sucks.” As if having a brother like mine was some kind of misfortune. The few occasions of blatant persecution were met with all the fury that you’d expect from a protective sister, mother, father, or friend. And the word. That horrible word, used so surprisingly often. It was everywhere growing up. All around me, on the flippant tongues of adults, teenagers (especially), and children alike. Coming even occasionally from close friends and extended family members. Each of them most likely unaware what that word meant to me, my family, my brother, and everyone like him.
I don’t think I can articulate it, the feeling it still gives me.
Perhaps the best description I’ve ever read came from John Franklin Stephens, a global spokesperson for Special Olympics with Down syndrome.
“So, what’s wrong with ‘retard’?… I can only tell you what it means to me and people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the ‘in’ group. We are someone that is not your kind… The hardest thing about having an intellectual disability is the loneliness. We are aware when all the rest of you stop and just look at us. We are aware when you look at us and just say, ‘unh huh,’ and then move on, talking to each other. You mean no harm, but you have no idea how alone we feel even when we are with you…”
The world we live in, is changing.
It’s different than it was growing up.
Now, my sister teaches high school special ed, and her students are integrated, included, and part of the student body. People don’t act as strange towards my brother when he’s out in public. He’s treated with more kindness, and warmth, more respect and acceptance.
And that word.
It’s slowly starting to disappear.
Thanks to an ongoing global campaign, spearheaded by the Special Olympics, Spread the Word to End the Word, has brought awareness and understanding to a group of people who have, in the past, been largely overlooked.
This is not a militant movement aimed at controlling other’s right to freedom of speech. Rather it is an initiative focused on humanizing a group of people who have, throughout history been ignored at best, and abused and dehumanized at worst. It’s about affording them the respect they have too often been denied. It’s about inclusion.
So rather than ask you to stop using the R-word, today I’m simply going to ask you to take a few minutes and meet my brother. Perhaps the next time you feel the word on the tip of your tongue, his will be the face you see, and you’ll choose another.
Son.
Brother.
Uncle.
Missionary.
Comedian.
Music Lover.
Movie addict.
Cancer Survivor.
Friend.
This is my brother.
“No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much.” -John Franklin Stephens
Fantastic editorial published in the New York Times here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this beautiful post! My heart is so full of love right now, and my eyes full of tears. For YEARS I’ve gotten so upset when people use the “r word,” but whenever I’ve nicely said something to them about how I’d rather they didn’t use that word (at least not in my presence, pleeeeeease), I’m often met with an eye roll and an, “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s no big deal.” But it IS a big deal and the sooner more people step up to the plate and Spread the Word to End the Word, the sooner this world can become a truly accepting and wonderful place.
Again, thank you :) Now, excuse me while I go share this post with everyone I know!
I have never quite understood why people think it is any different then any other slur. We would never go around shouting out racial slurs to describe things, I don’t know why this word is any different. I work in a special needs physicians office and the love that these beautiful children have to offer is so uncoditional and pure, we all have quite a lot to learn from them. This was a lovely, heartfelt post.
Your brother looks like an absolute delight and blessing to all who know him. People with Down’s whom I’ve known seem to have an abundance of joy and love to share. Thank you for the reminder that our friends, neighbors, and relatives with “disabilities” are really gifted in important areas, and that our language needs to reflect that!
WOW. what an incredibly beautiful person he is. that is the sweetest video, and of course i love him even more that he’s a gemini and we share the same birthday. :)
Your post and this video brought me to tears because it was so beautiful. This is such an important message to get out there. I nannied for a little boy with Downs before I had my own babies. But that season in my life was so special because i was able to share it with Landon and he taught me what it was to care and love a little person. Thank you and God Bless Matthew and the rest of your family. Good luck on getting the word out.
I am a new to your blog and I can’t tell you how wonderfully amazing this post was. I am also a sister to an incredibly specials, abundantly loving bother with special needs. The message you are relaying is so important and so many people just don’t understand. People are scared of the unknown. Your brother looks wonderfully, what a blessing we have that God gave us both two exceptional young men in our lives!
Such an inspiring post, your words I will definitely carry with me as they touched my heart; and your brother is absolutely wonderful, what a joy and a blessing! Thank you for sharing!
Cori. Way to get me crying while Im at work. Your brother is a beautiful and special person. Your family is blessed to have him in your lives and he is blessed to have you.
I started crying when you talked about your Mom putting him on a bus to go 45 minutes away. Man. I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like for her.
This was absolutely beautiful. The more I read your blog, the more I see that you are full of light, joy, beauty and kindness. (And of course – style!) Your brother is lucky to have such a wonderful sister. What a beautiful blog entry!
I am happy that your brother is more accepted in mainstream society. I am the same age as he is and I shudder thinking about how it must have been for your family. To have a brother like this is to find a deeper meaning in life and to see beauty where others may not, I think. To experience a more meaningful and beautiful life is a great thing…
This brought my tears to my eyes in a positive way. Some many use that word without really thinking about what they are saying. Thank you for sharing your brother with us. He seems so full of life and happy and you are both lucky to have each other.
This is so beautiful. If it is okay with you, I would love to read this post and show this video to my 6th grade classes tomorrow. This is a lesson that I try to share with my students on an ongoing basis, but your post and the video do it so much more eloquently than I ever could on my own.
What a sweet and wonderful brother you have, you are blessed!! My daughter shares his birthday and she is in college to become a teacher. Her passion is to work with wonderful people just like your brother! Thank you for sharing, I can’t wait to show your post to my daughter!
Such an awesome post, Corilynn. Good for you to spread the word about something SO important. I grew up in a disabled housing complex that my parent’s managed and so growing up, I felt just as you do – that people with mental or developmental disabilities are no different from you and I. You go girl. And what amazing parents you must have!
Thank you for sharing this heart warming video. It got me choked up and teary eyed. My little sis has gone through so many tests in the past 12 years to get a proper diagnosis for her struggles and basically they told us that she is “globally delayed”. My mom has had to fight for her rights the whole time just so that my sister could have the things that most people take for granted. It breaks my heart to hear the things that other kids at school call her. With social media becoming bigger among teenagers it seems that they hide behind the computer and use this avenue to say things that they otherwise might not say to someone’s face. My sister will be graduating high school this year and I can only hope that these bullies learn early on that speaking this way will not get you very far in life.
I watched that video last year when you posted it and it still got me all teary eyed! This is such an important step. I am one who was guilty of so flippantly using that word but am so glad I heard about this campaign 2 years ago. I now ask everyone to stop using it and have seen such a change in the people in my life! Thanks for posting this – I love deeing the relationship you have with your brother. he seems like such a sweet loveable guy!
Thank you Cori. My great Aunt Shirley was born delayed because of lack of oxygen during birth. She is in her 80’s now and I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for my great-grandparents. They raised her at home rather than in an institution as was the norm back then. Aunt Shirley loves dolls and operates at about 8 years old. Every time I visit she asks if I want to see her bedroom. :) My grandmother, who is Shirley’s sister, has cared for her for her entire adult life. Her dedication warms my heart, as does yours. <3
Thanks so much for this wonderful video and the touching words. I remember when you posted similar things last year and it touched me so much. I was once a user of that word, for lack of awareness. I am grateful that people like you and the Special Olympics are working to change people’s understanding and to make a difference in the lives of people like your brother and the countless other people out there.
I’m so glad I read this! I used to use the R word all the time when it was “popular” slang (I don’t say it anymore…although not because I made a conscious effort to stop). I never used it around people who were actually mentally handicapped so I guess I figured no one would be offended. I never thought about the friends and family members who might be hurt (I could have used the word in front of someone like you without realizing it). I don’t have anyone in my family with handicaps so I never thought about it. I’ll blame it on being a dumb teenager :) Anyway even though I don’t use that word anymore, I’m glad I read this so I have a REASON not to use it. Thanks for sharing your story (very well written, by the way – unlike this rambling comment). Congrats on having an awesome family!
Wonderful post. Even from a young age, I avoided using that word because of what it meant.
I’d just like to say it’s nice to know how wonderful the world is with families like yours living in it. From the way you’ve described it, your family (your parents, siblings, littles, etc.) is amazing. I know you and your family may just view it as doing what’s right, but given all that’s in the news and that which isn’t, doing what’s right is amazing. Thank you.
This is beautifully written. I work for a company that works with adults and kids with developmental disabilities and I am always shocked at how little the outside world knows about them. They are just like us but more special! I love interacting with the kids/adults at work because they love life and are always so happy. It really puts things into perspective for me and they make me want to be a better person!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I am a special education teacher and I always cringe when I hear the r-word! Glad there are people like you to post this BEAUTIFUL message for the WORLD to see! THEY ARE HUMAN AND WANT TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED! Your brother looks like he is a pretty cool fellow!
Oh Cori, thank you so much for sharing this video and allowing us to meet Matt. The love between the two of you was beautiful. I’m a high school English teacher and spoke with my students yesterday about the importance of omitting that word from their vocabulary. Thank you again for sharing.
Thank you so very much for this post. My younger brother has Down syndrome as well, so I definitely know and understand your feelings. I have tried to be an advocate for years, but have never been able to put my feelings as eloquent as you have. I, too, have decided to go into Special Education like your sister, and I love it like crazy. Thank you for being such a wonderful sister to Matthew!
What a beautiful post! Thank you! This really hits home for me as my uncle was mentally handicapped. Growing up I watched for years of my Grandparents cared for and showed their great love for not only him, but many others like him in their area, always treating them as the children of God that they are. Their example distilled a great love in me for those with different disabilities. I to cringe when people used that word or are not understanding of their differences so thank you for sharing your story and wonderful brother with us!
I am sitting here bawling so hard it’s hard to type this haha. This was absolutely beautiful and I can’t thank you enough for writing it. My little brother has Autism, and my little sister has Autism and Down Syndrome. We were VERY blessed to grow up in a small community that immediately embraced my siblings different needs. I’ve worked with adults and children with special needs in the past, and can honestly say that some of the people with special needs that I have met have been the most amazing people, and will always carry a place in my heart. Thank you for sharing your brothers story, and you’ve inspired me to tell my siblings stories.
Of course, regarding any person as inferior is cruel and impolite. Caring for the differing needs of each and every child is the responsibility of all parents, friends and family as well as society in general. That is what I think. Having said that, here’s my question:
Are you asserting that the use of this particular word in its proper context and definition is a slur? Is it not merely an accurate description of the unique development of some individuals? Is it not the same things as remarking that a person is blond, petite, left-brain dominant or right-handed?
A slur is unacceptable. A description need not be. Please explain why you feel this word cannot be used respectfully and accurately to describe someone’s characteristics.
What I am advocating here is that people stop using the r-word in the derogatory sense, as an insult. That being said, because the term has most commonly been used as a slur and because of it’s overall negative connotation it has been officially removed from the medical community and the law. See below: “On October 5, 2010, U.S. President Barack Obama officially signed bill S. 2781 into federal law. Rosa’s Law removes the terms “mental retardation” and “mentally retarded” from federal health, education and labor policy and replaces them with people first language “individual with an intellectual disability” and “intellectual disability.”
I personally agree with this course of action. Language is an ever evolving thing. Word meanings change with society. For instance the word “gay” meant something very different 100 years ago than it means today. I think you will find that most slurs began at one point as simply a description of a type of person at least at the root level. When they change into something offensive with a surrounding stigma, I believe it is no longer appropriate to use the word. Because the r-word has been so grossly misused over the past century, I doubt many people associate it with a medical term, and rather see it as an insult, and a harsh one at that. I think that because of that, it would be difficult to use this term in it’s original context without it being offensive.
I can appreciate this point of view. I agree that language is an ever-evolving thing. Thank you for clarifying this particular evolution of the English language.
I think any language needs insults to express the full range of human emotions, including humor and irony. But perhaps we all need to think about the subtle nuances of the exact words we choose.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this beautiful post! My heart is so full of love right now, and my eyes full of tears. For YEARS I’ve gotten so upset when people use the “r word,” but whenever I’ve nicely said something to them about how I’d rather they didn’t use that word (at least not in my presence, pleeeeeease), I’m often met with an eye roll and an, “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s no big deal.”
But it IS a big deal and the sooner more people step up to the plate and Spread the Word to End the Word, the sooner this world can become a truly accepting and wonderful place.
Again, thank you :)
Now, excuse me while I go share this post with everyone I know!
beautiful post. beautiful video.
thank you for sharing a message everyone needs to hear.
love his suspenders! my brother loves wearing them too :)
This was so touching and amazing. Thank you for posting.
I have never quite understood why people think it is any different then any other slur. We would never go around shouting out racial slurs to describe things, I don’t know why this word is any different. I work in a special needs physicians office and the love that these beautiful children have to offer is so uncoditional and pure, we all have quite a lot to learn from them. This was a lovely, heartfelt post.
Beautiful, beautiful post! So touching…I’ve got tears welling up in my eyes! Your brother is beyond amazing. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story and your brother and that beautiful video with us! <3
Such a beautiful post and a fantastic, important message! Thank you for speading the amazing word and your brother with us!
Thank you for helping spread the word to end the word. It means so much to so many!
This touched my heart. Thank you for sharing your story!
Your brother looks like an absolute delight and blessing to all who know him. People with Down’s whom I’ve known seem to have an abundance of joy and love to share. Thank you for the reminder that our friends, neighbors, and relatives with “disabilities” are really gifted in important areas, and that our language needs to reflect that!
WOW. what an incredibly beautiful person he is. that is the sweetest video, and of course i love him even more that he’s a gemini and we share the same birthday. :)
he is magical. you should be a proud sister.
Your post and this video brought me to tears because it was so beautiful. This is such an important message to get out there. I nannied for a little boy with Downs before I had my own babies. But that season in my life was so special because i was able to share it with Landon and he taught me what it was to care and love a little person. Thank you and God Bless Matthew and the rest of your family. Good luck on getting the word out.
Cheers,
http://www.learning2exhale.com
Matt, you brought a smile to my face and that’s a beautiful way to start my day. God bless you~
Thank you Cori~
Wow, thanks for sharing, Cori! What a great video.
Here’s another beautiful story- about a father with a son who has Downs.
http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2008-09-10/news/36827649_1_septic-tank-joseph-father-and-son
you have a wonderful brother!
I am a new to your blog and I can’t tell you how wonderfully amazing this post was. I am also a sister to an incredibly specials, abundantly loving bother with special needs. The message you are relaying is so important and so many people just don’t understand. People are scared of the unknown. Your brother looks wonderfully, what a blessing we have that God gave us both two exceptional young men in our lives!
Such an inspiring post, your words I will definitely carry with me as they touched my heart; and your brother is absolutely wonderful, what a joy and a blessing! Thank you for sharing!
Cori. Way to get me crying while Im at work. Your brother is a beautiful and special person. Your family is blessed to have him in your lives and he is blessed to have you.
I started crying when you talked about your Mom putting him on a bus to go 45 minutes away. Man. I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like for her.
My heart is full.
Cori, that was beautiful! Wonderfully written and very inspiring. I love Matt!
I took the pledge, and I’m working the pledge (along with asking my readers to take it) on Friday.
Beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your brother with us.
Very inspiring!
This was absolutely beautiful. The more I read your blog, the more I see that you are full of light, joy, beauty and kindness. (And of course – style!) Your brother is lucky to have such a wonderful sister. What a beautiful blog entry!
I am happy that your brother is more accepted in mainstream society. I am the same age as he is and I shudder thinking about how it must have been for your family. To have a brother like this is to find a deeper meaning in life and to see beauty where others may not, I think. To experience a more meaningful and beautiful life is a great thing…
This brought my tears to my eyes in a positive way. Some many use that word without really thinking about what they are saying. Thank you for sharing your brother with us. He seems so full of life and happy and you are both lucky to have each other.
This is so beautiful. If it is okay with you, I would love to read this post and show this video to my 6th grade classes tomorrow. This is a lesson that I try to share with my students on an ongoing basis, but your post and the video do it so much more eloquently than I ever could on my own.
– Megan
i totally teared up when watching this! this is such a beautiful post and video~!! thank you so much for sharing this with us!
xo,
Sandy
Sandy a la Mode
What a sweet and wonderful brother you have, you are blessed!! My daughter shares his birthday and she is in college to become a teacher. Her passion is to work with wonderful people just like your brother! Thank you for sharing, I can’t wait to show your post to my daughter!
Such an awesome post, Corilynn. Good for you to spread the word about something SO important. I grew up in a disabled housing complex that my parent’s managed and so growing up, I felt just as you do – that people with mental or developmental disabilities are no different from you and I. You go girl. And what amazing parents you must have!
Thank you for sharing this heart warming video. It got me choked up and teary eyed. My little sis has gone through so many tests in the past 12 years to get a proper diagnosis for her struggles and basically they told us that she is “globally delayed”. My mom has had to fight for her rights the whole time just so that my sister could have the things that most people take for granted. It breaks my heart to hear the things that other kids at school call her. With social media becoming bigger among teenagers it seems that they hide behind the computer and use this avenue to say things that they otherwise might not say to someone’s face. My sister will be graduating high school this year and I can only hope that these bullies learn early on that speaking this way will not get you very far in life.
I watched that video last year when you posted it and it still got me all teary eyed! This is such an important step. I am one who was guilty of so flippantly using that word but am so glad I heard about this campaign 2 years ago. I now ask everyone to stop using it and have seen such a change in the people in my life! Thanks for posting this – I love deeing the relationship you have with your brother. he seems like such a sweet loveable guy!
Thank you Cori. My great Aunt Shirley was born delayed because of lack of oxygen during birth. She is in her 80’s now and I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for my great-grandparents. They raised her at home rather than in an institution as was the norm back then. Aunt Shirley loves dolls and operates at about 8 years old. Every time I visit she asks if I want to see her bedroom. :) My grandmother, who is Shirley’s sister, has cared for her for her entire adult life. Her dedication warms my heart, as does yours. <3
Thanks so much for this wonderful video and the touching words. I remember when you posted similar things last year and it touched me so much. I was once a user of that word, for lack of awareness. I am grateful that people like you and the Special Olympics are working to change people’s understanding and to make a difference in the lives of people like your brother and the countless other people out there.
What a sweet guy. Thank you for sharing!
What a beautiful post, Cori. I have tears in my eyes. Thanks for introducing your brother!
I’m so glad I read this! I used to use the R word all the time when it was “popular” slang (I don’t say it anymore…although not because I made a conscious effort to stop). I never used it around people who were actually mentally handicapped so I guess I figured no one would be offended. I never thought about the friends and family members who might be hurt (I could have used the word in front of someone like you without realizing it). I don’t have anyone in my family with handicaps so I never thought about it. I’ll blame it on being a dumb teenager :) Anyway even though I don’t use that word anymore, I’m glad I read this so I have a REASON not to use it. Thanks for sharing your story (very well written, by the way – unlike this rambling comment). Congrats on having an awesome family!
Wow, Cori. Bravo to you and this post and to that video. I couldn’t help but tear up watching it. Very touching! Thanks for sharing!! xo
Brought tears to my eyes. Spreading the word in TX!
Wonderful post. Even from a young age, I avoided using that word because of what it meant.
I’d just like to say it’s nice to know how wonderful the world is with families like yours living in it. From the way you’ve described it, your family (your parents, siblings, littles, etc.) is amazing. I know you and your family may just view it as doing what’s right, but given all that’s in the news and that which isn’t, doing what’s right is amazing. Thank you.
Such a sweet post. Definitely brought tears to my eyes.
this is a wonderful post. it’s worth sharing. :)
Simply put…this is beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
That video was beautiful. What an awesome brother you have. I loved the part where he was “playing” the guitar – so cute!
This is beautifully written. I work for a company that works with adults and kids with developmental disabilities and I am always shocked at how little the outside world knows about them. They are just like us but more special! I love interacting with the kids/adults at work because they love life and are always so happy. It really puts things into perspective for me and they make me want to be a better person!
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That was a beautiful reminder. Thank you so much for sharing.
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I am a special education teacher and I always cringe when I hear the r-word! Glad there are people like you to post this BEAUTIFUL message for the WORLD to see! THEY ARE HUMAN AND WANT TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED! Your brother looks like he is a pretty cool fellow!
Oh Cori, thank you so much for sharing this video and allowing us to meet Matt. The love between the two of you was beautiful. I’m a high school English teacher and spoke with my students yesterday about the importance of omitting that word from their vocabulary. Thank you again for sharing.
AMAZING post! This is one of the best ways to get the word out about how harmful this word is…. you have an icredible brother.
Thank you so very much for this post. My younger brother has Down syndrome as well, so I definitely know and understand your feelings. I have tried to be an advocate for years, but have never been able to put my feelings as eloquent as you have. I, too, have decided to go into Special Education like your sister, and I love it like crazy. Thank you for being such a wonderful sister to Matthew!
What a beautiful post! Thank you! This really hits home for me as my uncle was mentally handicapped. Growing up I watched for years of my Grandparents cared for and showed their great love for not only him, but many others like him in their area, always treating them as the children of God that they are. Their example distilled a great love in me for those with different disabilities. I to cringe when people used that word or are not understanding of their differences so thank you for sharing your story and wonderful brother with us!
I am sitting here bawling so hard it’s hard to type this haha. This was absolutely beautiful and I can’t thank you enough for writing it. My little brother has Autism, and my little sister has Autism and Down Syndrome. We were VERY blessed to grow up in a small community that immediately embraced my siblings different needs. I’ve worked with adults and children with special needs in the past, and can honestly say that some of the people with special needs that I have met have been the most amazing people, and will always carry a place in my heart. Thank you for sharing your brothers story, and you’ve inspired me to tell my siblings stories.
Of course, regarding any person as inferior is cruel and impolite. Caring for the differing needs of each and every child is the responsibility of all parents, friends and family as well as society in general. That is what I think. Having said that, here’s my question:
Are you asserting that the use of this particular word in its proper context and definition is a slur? Is it not merely an accurate description of the unique development of some individuals? Is it not the same things as remarking that a person is blond, petite, left-brain dominant or right-handed?
A slur is unacceptable. A description need not be. Please explain why you feel this word cannot be used respectfully and accurately to describe someone’s characteristics.
What I am advocating here is that people stop using the r-word in the derogatory sense, as an insult. That being said, because the term has most commonly been used as a slur and because of it’s overall negative connotation it has been officially removed from the medical community and the law. See below:
“On October 5, 2010, U.S. President Barack Obama officially signed bill S. 2781 into federal law. Rosa’s Law removes the terms “mental retardation” and “mentally retarded” from federal health, education and labor policy and replaces them with people first language “individual with an intellectual disability” and “intellectual disability.”
I personally agree with this course of action. Language is an ever evolving thing. Word meanings change with society. For instance the word “gay” meant something very different 100 years ago than it means today. I think you will find that most slurs began at one point as simply a description of a type of person at least at the root level. When they change into something offensive with a surrounding stigma, I believe it is no longer appropriate to use the word. Because the r-word has been so grossly misused over the past century, I doubt many people associate it with a medical term, and rather see it as an insult, and a harsh one at that. I think that because of that, it would be difficult to use this term in it’s original context without it being offensive.
I can appreciate this point of view. I agree that language is an ever-evolving thing. Thank you for clarifying this particular evolution of the English language.
I think any language needs insults to express the full range of human emotions, including humor and irony. But perhaps we all need to think about the subtle nuances of the exact words we choose.