I don’t have any pictures for this post. It’s really late right now. After 2 am and I can’t sleep. Somehow when I can’t sleep my mind starts to write, you know in my head. It’s probably a default from college. Although, I’m sure all those English professors would gag at my blatant disregard for grammar. Anyways, I’ve been thinking about how little I actually write about myself on this blog anymore. I write silly things about clothes, or food or small things about my littles, but so little real truth about my life. I’m not much of an over-sharer, and ironically (because I have a blog) I’m also rather private. Plus, the life I have with Mr, and my littles is really really sweet and happy and special to me, and its hard for me to really share something that important. But its quiet right now, and I am writing and I hope that when I’m done, I can finally sleep.
The truth is, I lost a baby on Friday. I bet you didn’t know I was pregnant, almost nobody did. Just my family, and few close friends and the people my big brother couldn’t help but tell. To say it was unexpected would be an understatement, it was practically a medical miracle that I got pregnant at all, but we were so very excited about this new baby. I sort of fell in love with the idea that Ava would have an Irish twin. But there were complications that went along with that too, and we knew that and I kept it quiet and close to my heart for a long time. Maybe too long now that I sit here and think about it. But it became this little thing, this secret I was keeping, just me and my body, and somehow it made it more personal, and kind of a silly game. How long could I go without anyone really knowing I was pregnant. A couple more weeks and I would have been half way, and then I’d probably have to start telling people, because really when you’re barely 4’11” you can only hide it for so long.
Except I’m not going to make it to the half way mark. Not now.
The thing is, I had prepared myself, my mind for a miscarriage, or I thought I had. I knew the risks, the doctor spelled them out when we found out we were pregnant again. I knew what a miscarriage was like, my sister has had two and my mom, three. And when I passed 12 weeks I did a subconscious sigh of relief. And then every week after, everything was going so well, the baby was healthy, I was sick as a dog (good sign), week 13, then 14, 15, 16, passed and not a sign of anything wrong. I felt the baby moving, you know those perfect little bubbly kicks at the beginning, and I started to hope and plan in my head. Then last Wednesday, just a few days shy of 18 weeks, everything went terribly wrong. I started cramping and then there was blood. We went in and the doctor looked at our baby on the screen, healthy. Perfect little body, happy little beating heart. There wasn’t a thing wrong. Except that my body wasn’t working right. And he told me there was nothing they could do if my body decided it couldn’t keep her in, so he sent me home and put me on bed rest. I laid down for two days, I took warm baths, drank water, held very still but the cramping never stopped. On Friday morning, I told Craig I needed to go to the hospital because my cramps felt like contractions. Ones I couldn’t talk through, and I was doing birthing positions to cope, and they were close together, and I’ve done this enough times to know what that means, and in this case it wasn’t a good thing. The thing is, I had prepared my mind for the possibility of a miscarriage. I hadn’t prepared my mind for the possibility that I might go into labor and deliver a baby that wouldn’t live. But that’s exactly what happened.
When my water broke in the ER, I knew it was hopeless. They had the ultrasound tech come in, he looked at my baby again, still healthy, still a beating little heart, perfectly formed, but my body was in labor, and there wasn’t a thing they could do about it. He walked out of the room, he told us to please excuse him, and then I heard him tell the doctor in the hallway, that the baby was healthy, but my body was in labor, the placenta had already started to detach, and the baby was moving into the birth canal. Then he told the doctor, good luck.
They sent me up to labor and delivery, I cried as they wheeled me across the hospital. So did Craig. They put me on a new bed, all the while I’m breathing through my contractions, trying to stay calm, trying to understand why it hurt just as bad to deliver a baby so small as it did to deliver my other four. And do you know what I was thinking the whole time, “What’s going to happen when it comes out? Will they take it away without letting me see it?” And, “I’m so sorry, I’m so very very sorry.”
It’s a very strange reality to have your body be doing something that you so desperately don’t want it to do, and you have no control over. Strange and so very horrible. I won’t tell you what those last three hours were like, but I will tell you, that when it was all over, I had given birth to a baby girl. The tiniest little hands and feet, she had Craig’s mouth and Ethan’s little smirk, she was perfect, just very very tiny. They didn’t take her away from me. They let me hold her for as long as I wanted, and then Craig too. Two women came and they cleaned her up and dressed her, and took her picture and made molds and prints of her hands and feet for us to keep. My sweet sisters and my dad came to the hospital, they held the baby and cried. “She’s so perfect,” they said, “like a little doll.” I’m so so grateful they were there, and that they got to see her, and touch her. I’m so glad they understand what she was, and that she’ll always be real to them too, real like she is to me and to Craig.
The nurse came in after awhile and asked us if we had a name for the death certificate. Then the social worker, to discuss our options for burial or cremation. And all the while I held my sweet little lifeless baby, and felt that some part of me had died right along with her as her little soul left it’s body before she even entered the world.
We named her Ruby. Ruby June. And on Thursday morning we’ll bury her in the tiny cemetery just down the road from where we live.
And the thing is, I didn’t know her at all, but she was my baby just like the others and I loved her from the moment she was a possibility in my mind, and I keep thinking how I’m never going to know if her eyes would have been blue like all of her siblings and her dad or green like mine. Or what she would have been like. And I’m so glad that she will be with God and that He’ll take care of her, but so very sad that I’ll never get to hold her or watch her grow, and become someone. That I don’t get to discover her the way I have my other babies. I know that soon, almost no one in the world will remember her, or that she existed. But I’m so honored that I get to be one who does.
Oh sweetie, I am so, so very sorry. There are no words. =+( I am completely heartbroken for you, and sending loving thoughts and prayers from NY. I’ve lost both my pregnancies myself after trying so long to get pregnant. Hoping my Mr. and I are blessed with a family. Thank you for sharing your story. Be well, and hold your little dear ones closer.
My goodness I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have just experienced. I know that you sharing your story has blessed another woman today who has or who is going through something similar just as God has used you and your blog in so many other ways to bless others. I am keeping you in my prayers Cori.
My heart aches for you Cori. I am so sorry that you lost your little girl. I will be praying that God bring you peace. From the small part of you I know from your blog you are an extraordinary mother and an inspiring, gracious woman. Thank you for sharing your story, that took amazing courage and heart.
Oh, Cori. I wept for you and your sweet, tiny baby as I read this. I can’t do anything to help you, but I know God can. Praying that he will surround you and your family with his perfect peace and heal your broken heart.
Cori, I am so so sorry. There are no words. I will pray for peace for you and Craig, and for sweet Ruby June. My heart breaks for all of you. Please know you are in my thoughts. Xo
Oh Cori I am so so sorry to read your heartbreaking story, I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Sending you all lots of strength and a hug to heaven for little Ruby June. Lots of love to you and your sweet family xxx
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Grief stricken. My neighbor just lost her baby girl, Cadence, at 36 weeks, and I’ve been grieving right along with her too. My prayers and love are with your family this week. Remember, God does everything with LOVE and purpose. He is protecting her now.
I’m so, so, sorry! I don’t know any words to make your pain easier. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you can feel that even though we don’t know you personally, we ache for you and are thinking of you and your family. This verse has always helped me through my hard times b/c it reminds me HE is always there with me, for me.:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
Cori, I have never commented on here before, but I felt the need to today. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My prayers are with your family. The only thing I can offer is that God does not let us grieve alone, he grieves alongside us. May you be comforted in the days, weeks, and months to come.
A mother should never have to bury her child. Sending you love and support from a complete stranger to you and your entire family. Ruby sounds beautiful and perfect. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that she will always be yours. Love. Love.
Oh Cori, I am so so sorry for your pain and heartache, unfortunately I know your pain far to well. This is the club that no one wants to be a part of and we don’t want another member. Please know that you are not alone in this time of grief, hold strong to your memories of Ruby Jane, the feeling of her kicks inside, know that you have a whole family praying for love, healing and strength for your family.
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” John 14:1-4
First of all, I’m very sorry for your loss and hugs and prayers to you and your family. Second, as someone who have lost a child before, I fully identify with you. The hopes and dreams that goes with that little life, you didn’t realize how precious until it’s gone.
Ruby June knew much love from the moment she was concieved. She will continue to feel this love as she is with her heavenly father. I pray that you and your family will feel that love from her and that it gives you peace. Thank you for sharing this story of heartache and love. Take care of youself.
oh my goodness. my heart is breaking. i’m about 25 weeks and honestly we had just considered that exact name – Ruby June – for a name for our sweet baby girl. i am so sorry. i can’t even imagine. you guys are in my prayers. xo
Oh Cori, I’m so sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine the pain that you and Craig are going through. When I began reading your story, I simply thought you miscarried very early, around 6 or 8 weeks. But to hear that you had to deliver your sweet baby Ruby and not have the opportunity to watch her grow is simply heartbreaking.
I sit here at 39 weeks pregnant with tears in my eyes for your loss, and I’m reminded how much we actually take for granted. Your sweet girl was loved from the moment you knew you were carrying her, and she is now in a much better place. Allow your faith and the support of your family, friends and followers to lift you up from the dark places. You are so incredibly strong and I admire you for putting your story out there for others. While it’s not a happy story, so many others have been in a similar situation and your words may soothe them.
I’m praying for you and your family, Cori. I wish you peace and rest and I know you will get through this as a family.
I don’t think I’ve ever commented on your blog before but faithfully follow your journey. I am sitting here crying at the sadness you and your husband have endured. My heart breaks. Even though I’ve never met you, I am praying for your loss. (((hugs)))
I think it’s important for women to share their stories of loss because it seems easier to pretend that maybe it never happened, but it is not, especially if you feel that your body betrayed you. Thank you. I’m so sorry and can only offer the biggest, warmest internet hugs.
Crying as I sit here and read this, in a way that only a mommy can understand. I’m so very sorry. God is going to comfort you in a way that only He can.:) I think of you everytime I wear the beautiful skirt you made. Thank you for sharing. Love from Georgia:)
I do not often comment, but I just had to say – my heart and prayers are with you. I could not imagine how painful that experience was for you. I pray that God gives you the grace to heal enough to remember without so much pain. I am sure she is a perfect angle.
I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through this. I know it was devastating in every way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you all process this.
I too, like the other previous posters, am sitting here crying over my coffee and my computer, my heart breaking for you and your family. I dealt with a miscarriage before my three beautiful babies were born, and there is nothing worse to go through. I cannot even imagine, though, the situation you have been through. Thank you for sharing your story. I know how painful it must’ve been to write this, but maybe it will be comforting for another woman who has gone through the same thing and feels alone. I wrote about my miscarriage here: http://goatandlulu.blogspot.com/2013/06/my-miscarriage.html And if you’re interested, there’s an organization called The Smallest Gift (thesmalletgift.org) that offers support to families dealing with infant loss. I am so, so, sorry for the loss of your darling Ruby June. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve experienced a miscarriage myself, but more importantly, I forwarded this on to a friend who just lost her baby boy at 30 weeks. I hope you find comfort in eternal families. You’re in my prayers :)
I have been checking in with your blog for months now. I love seeing all things Cori! My Hubs recently surprised me with two beautiful skirts from your collection (which I adore and receive countless compliments on!) This is the first time though, that I knew I needed to comment…
Beautifully told story of the loss of your little blessing. It speaks to me as a Momma and as one who has experienced loss as well. Thank you for your honesty and candor. My prayers are with you and your family. Take comfort in knowing that strangers who’s faces you may never see, are holding you in prayer.
I am so sorry! HUgs, thoughts, and prayers go out your way. I can hardly see to type this. Thank you for sharing this. You have helped our family with your words, more than you will ever know. Trust me on that one. Hugs.
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. No words, I’m sure, can sum up the hurt you are feeling at this very moment. I will be praying for you and your family as you try and heal.
Cori, Your precious Ruby June will always be a part of you and her sweet spirit will be with you every day. Praying strength and comfort to you and your family~ In my prayers~
I feel so sad for your baby girl who left this earth too soon. And thankful God has her now. I pray for the comfort and healing that He will grant you and your family and friends during this time.
Oh Cori, I so incredibly sorry for your overwhelmingly huge loss. Even though we may never meet here on this earth, know that my heart is breaking for you and you are in my prayers.
I’m so very sorry for your loss and deeply touched by your post. I admire your courage to share your sadness and grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
I’m so sorry. I don’t think there is anything harder in this life than losing a child, no matter how teeny tiny they are. I, too, had a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with my twins, and it was the hardest thing, both physically and emotionally, for me. I wasn’t even that far along, so I can only imagine how badly you are hurting right now. I like to think that these spirits that pass away before they are even born were so good, that all they needed to get was a body, and then our Father in Heaven wanted them home with him again to give them work to do. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
On a lighter note, I watched our Sober Grad night video (I’m too Sexy….) last week for the first time in years. It made me laugh so hard. Miss you, Cori!
I feel your pain, and know all too well the devastation of being betrayed by your own body. My heart breaks for you and your family. For all that you’ve lost, and for the ways you’ll never be the same, I am so sorry. I wish you peace in the long weeks ahead as you try to reconcile this overwhelming loss.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that you are able to rest, ands allow yourself grace as you grieve for your sweet Ruby June. I wish I had some words that would bring you some form of comfort, just know that the arms of The Lord are holding you tightly and lean on him
Oh Cori, I am so, so sorry. My heart is broken for you. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Your ode to Ruby June was expressed so deeply, so beautifully. I am so glad you were able to hold her…to see what she looks like, who she resembles. I hope your moments with her will somehow give you comfort, and that Heavenly Father will give you peace and an abundance of His love right now. Praying for you and your sweet family.
I’m so sorry :(… I don’t have words to describe what I felt when I read your post.. I don’t know to speak English very well (I’m a peruavian girl)but, I unsdertood everything you wrote… so.. ’cause we are LDS, I know you know that Families can be together forever ♫♪… in Heavenly Father’s plan… Alll my love to you and your family.. and my prayers. kisses
Wow and wow. I’m at a loss for words. With your words and the way you wrote your story I felt like I was in the moment and I had a heartbroken feeling come over me. I’m not sure I could have been as strong as you. You are one strong mama for being able to share something so deep. Many many many prayers for you and your sweet family. I truly pray He will give you peace. xx
Thank you for your honesty and bearing your heart. I am so very sorry for your loss. As I read post and held my own baby (3 months old) I cried and thanked god for his precious life. Because, until you hear of someone else’s pain, you take your own miracles for granted.
*Crying* I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that…How very, very hard. I’m glad that your family came to see her…they are so good. And that you were in Utah with them. Such an ordeal. I’m glad that you were able to get to the hospital and have a real delivery with your husband there. I don’t know why these terrible things always have to arise in our lives or their significance. But things like this are ALWAYS there…Terrible hurts…Prayers for you and the family…
I cried reading this, and my heart just hearts for you and your family. Praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a touching and special part of you life.
My heart broke while reading this. My prayers to you and your family and your sweet baby Ruby June. God will take care of her now, and you will get to see her again someday!
Prayers and hugs to you and your sweet family during this difficult time<3I have a friend who also suffered the loss of a sweet baby. His name was Caleb and he was full term but only lived a few hours. In his honor every year on his birthday she asks as many people as possible to participate in Caleb's Ark...Acts of Random Kindness. People give acts of random kindness and then post the fun things they have done to her fb wall. It brings her joy to know of all the good that is being done that day to honor her sweet baby<3 People do everything from paying for the food for the person in the car behind them in the drive through line to buying gift cards and handing them out to someone who looks like they need it. I'm sure that you will find a very special way to remember and treasure your dear sweet RUBY<3
Oh my, Cori. I can’t even imagine what it was like to go through all that. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for your family and precious baby Ruby June!
Lots and lots of prayers coming from SLC. I almost lost my little boy in a near drowning accident last week and feel I have a small feeling of what you’re suffering. The Lord knows your heartache and He will never leave you as He finds the right ways to comfort you. Much love :)
Cori I’m so very sorry for your families loss. I cannot imagine going through such a heart wrenching experience. As I sit here and scroll through all of the comments I hope that you find comfort that you’ve shared this story with us and know that you have us to lean on. I pray that you find peace within yourself knowing that one day you and Ruby will meet again. God bless you, your husband, and all of your littles.
Cori, I’m so sorry. To be honest, I never know what to say during these times. A mother’s deepest fears have become your reality and I am so sorry. Many many prayers to you and your family. God bless you all.
Thank you so much for sharing your very sad news. Here I was, going through the exact same thing 5 weeks ago, reading your blog to find happiness. Now I live my tears all over again for you. It is so so hard. Your angel Ruby will watch over your family. Peace and love to you in this super sad time. X
I am so sorry, Cori. I hope it was therapeutic to write it out and I’m sure it will continue to be so as you read it again in the years to come. I’m glad you have a wonderful husband and family to support you, and a firm knowledge in where Ruby is now. My prayers go out to you and your family!
Thank you for being so vulnerable. I am sure your story and sweet Ruby June will touch many lives and women in their own places of hurt. Praying for you and your family. Erin http://www.bakesomebodyhappy.com
I’m sitting here crying and trying to find words that may comfort you, but can’t. I can’t even fathom what you’re going through, but as a mom, I can somewhat imagine. Many prayers to you and your family.
I have never commented on your blog before, but I am a longtime reader, and I want to tell you how much your story touched me. I am so sorry for your loss. I work in pregnancy research and every story about miscarriages and stillbirths makes me sad and that much more motivated to work toward improving pregnancy outcomes in women.
As you can see, many people care, are grieving with you, and have you/your family in their thoughts.
Wow. Tears and so much love. I can only thank you for giving us the honor to know Ruby through words. There is nothing more truer or real or powerful than words. Prayers to you and yours during this time.
I am so incredibly sorry for you and your family right now. I myself have been through a miscarriage, although it was much earlier in the pregnancy. Even though I can somewhat relate, I still can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m praying for all of you.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Ruby’s life was real and it matters, and I hope that sharing helps in some small way. My prayers are with you and your family. My heart aches for you.
So very sorry for your loss Cori. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family thru this difficult time. May God give you all comfort and peace… {hugs}
I”m so very sorry for your loss Cori. I work in Labour and delivery and have had to help women delivery premature and still birth babies. It’s never easy and I’m so glad that they made it easier on you. We do everything in our power to make it easier on the parents. I am so very sorry. Her name is beautiful.
Ohmigoodness Cori. I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through this. Thank you for sharing this. I pray for God’s comfort and peace to fill you and your family.
I can only imagine what you’re going through and how difficult it was to share this experience with the world. But I’m always so grateful to those women who do share stories like yours. I believe that it helps to connect us together and to love someone we’ve never even met. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, but I hope you can feel my love and Heavenly Father’s love for you during this time. Thanks for being a great example of a mother and for sharing this story.
I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking and praying for you. Your post was beautiful and the emotions real. Heavenly Father is mindful of you and I can imagine there are angels surrounding you, your family, and your home right now.
What a beautiful memory you have left with us all of your precious daughter, Ruby June. She will now be in the thoughts & prayers of everyone that will read about her and her beautiful short life. I pray that she will continue to send you signs that is she is with the angels & God watching down upon you and your family. Thank you for being brave enough to share something so personal and close to your heart! Blessings and peace!
My heart breaks for you. I wish I had something beautiful and comforting to say, but I know nothing can make up for losing your child and missing those moments and memories you thought you would have.
I will say this, though I never saw her, I’m sure Ruby was perfect. Now she is better than perfect, because she’s in Heaven. She is waiting for you. She’s happy. She’s full of peace and joy. I know you’ll never get to know her on earth, but you can know her in Heaven. She is alive there and she has the most perfect and joyful life. I know it and you know, you will be together again.
I prayed for you and your family last night and you will continue to be in my prayers. I hope you find peace in God.
I don’t know you, but I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. At the end you say almost know one will know her or even know she existed. Except, with your blog and sharing something so private, we all know who Ruby June was and how special she was. RIP baby girl.
Cori I am so very sorry. Love you sweet cousin so much and my heart aches for your sweet family. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I can’t imagine the pain and sadness you’ve felt the past few days. We will continue to pray for you!
The words ‘I’m sorry’ are so very inadequate at the moment. But they are the only words in my heart. God will give you the strength to move from one day to the next. Prayers to you and your family.
So very sorry for your loss. I have some understanding of this very personal loss and grief. I also know of the depth of character and compassion that you will gain after knowing such personal heartbreak. This will be a comfort and strength to others. Thank you for sharing here, as doing so has already lent some of that strength to others. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so very sorry to read this. I hope you and your family feel comfort very soon. I too know what it’s like to lose a baby but not that far along. Prayers are being sent your way.
I was so sorry to log on today and read of your tragedy. May God bless your family and heal your broken heart. I am so very sorry for the loss of your little Ruby.
Oh Cori, thank you for sharing your sweet baby with us. What a beautifuuly written testimony of a mothers love and for a Heavenly Father who is here with us always <3
Oh Cori, thank you for sharing your sweet baby with us. What a beautifuuly written testimony of a mothers love and for a Heavenly Father who is here with us always <3
I love your blog but haven’t ever commented before but just felt the need to say how sorry I am for your loss of sweet Ruby! I hope you can find peace and comfort during this very difficult time!
I love your blog but haven’t ever commented before but just felt the need to say how sorry I am for your loss of sweet Ruby! I hope you can find peace and comfort during this very difficult time!
Cori, your beautiful witness of accepting the Father’s will left such an impression on my heart. Though I’ve not been blessed to meet you, I will remember Ruby June and how much you love her. Praying for you and your family. ♡
I have been a silent fan of your blog for about a year and I have been so inspired by you, but never like I am now. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. I hope you are feeling Heaven’s help through this time. I will be thinking of you on Thursday.
Cori, I just wanted to send my deepest sympathies and love. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling right now, but thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your sweet little angel.
Hi, Cori, I’ve never commented on your blog before, but I have been following you for a while. Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you all the best. I will keep you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers. Brandy
Oh Cori, there are no words. Just prayers for you and your family tonight as I sit here in that dark reading this. Saying a sweet prayer for you and your family.
Cori, I have thought of you so many times since I last saw you that night before you drove away to a new exciting life in UT. I wondered how you were coming along and how your body was holding up. Tears were streaming as I read your sweet words about this very sacred and heartbreaking time. Will be thinking of you as you lay your sweet Ruby to rest.
I have never posted before but I have been following your blog for some time. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your families loss. From everything I have read you are an amazing Mother and sweet Ruby was so lucky that God picked you as her Mother. I will pray for peace and calm as you go through this difficult time.
My heart breaks for you and your sweet family. I hope that you can feel peace and love from our Heavenly Father at this difficult time. I am certain that sweet baby of yours will be watching over your family and waiting till you can be together again. Sending prayers your way….
Dear Cori! My heart breaks as I read this! I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a heart break! You are one strong and wonderful woman. May God help you and heal you in this difficult time…. My prayers go out for your family
Cori – You don’t know me, but i have truly enjoyed keeping up with your post for quite a while now. It’s part of my lunch routine at work. As I read your story sitting in my cube, I could help but let the tears run down my cheeks. I’m extremely sorry for your loss. I can’t even fathom what you and your family went through that day and in the days to follow. You and your family are in my thoughts!
Oh Cori! There are no words to say how sorry I am for you and Craig. You two are some of the best people I have ever known and I look up to you both. Thank you for writing this and expressing only what a mother can express. Thank goodness for Eternal Families. Love to you and your beautiful family. Katie K.
Dearest Cori, now that I’ve wiped away my tears I want to let you know how much your story touched me. I’ve been following your blog for years now (from New Zealand) and often think how different and yet similar our lives are. Your writing affected me as I know what it is to miscarry. I wanted to share with you that a year (and almost to the day) after it happened to me I gave birth to a wee girl. She was born in June, and we called her Ruby Joy. She has just turned eight and is so beautiful. Your post reminded me of just how much of a blessing she is in our lives. Ruby’s are very special. I hope you can draw much solace and love from your wonderful family. Kia kaha my friend (stay strong) and know that many, many people are thinking of you and sending love.
I hope that sharing your story with so many that may not know you, but care for you just the same, brought you relief, even if it is fleeting. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and from what little I know about you and your family, I have a strong feeling that you will feel loved and supported through this difficult time.
Cori, I have been reading your blog for a long time now but never commented on other posts. I am so sorry for your loss, I am sending prayers your way for peace of mind to you and your family. The Lord is so lucky to be getting such a special angel named Ruby. Prayers Janelle @ http://www.alwaysjanelle.blogspot.com
What a raw and rich moment in your family. Beautiful and inspired baby name. What reassurance Christ has given us! May you weep all the tears your body needs to weep, and may you smile at the beauty of this perfect soul you briefly embraced.
My heart hurts for you. I remember the first time I took a pregnancy test; I was young and terrified and immediately in love. I wasn’t pregnant. Having a baby taken from me that didn’t even exist hurt more than I thought possible. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to have a precious baby and lose that baby. Sending lots of love your way. I hope it helps to know that you are in so many people’s prayers.
Those words were so wonderfully expressed. I am so sorry that you lost your little girl. I hope your family will feel God’s love at this difficult time.
I am so sorry that you and your family lost a beautiful baby girl. I can not imagine the pain that you and your family is going through. You & your family are in my prayers.
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I have heard of early labor, but I did not think about that happening at 17 weeks. What a traumatic experience. I am 20 weeks along. It seems so much “safer” to get excited once you get past the 12 weeks. Thank you for sharing your experience and your faith that Ruby is in a better place.
I am so very sorry. I ache for you. I too have lost a child, a 17 year old son. I know too well… I pray that your heart will feel the undying love of your perfect little Ruby June. And maybe my remarkable son, James will take her for a little walk in Heaven. My deepest sympathy.
Cori, I have been following you for quite a few years now (since Phoenix the first time) and I have loved following your family around on all of your adventures. Somehow in my mind I have formed an attachment that upon reflection is probably silly and somewhat unhealthy as I think of you and speak of you to my husband as though we really are friends. I sobbed openly when I read of your experience last week. I am completely heartbroken for you and am so very sorry you had to experience that. I know that Ruby is real and that her memory will last forever in your hearts and minds. May the sweet grace of the atonement heal your hearts and give you peace. Prayers for your family at this difficult time.
I am so sorry for the loss that your whole family is currently experiencing. I am glad that you had time to spend with her even if very briefly for now.
Oh, I am so sorry for you and your family. My heart broke when I read your story. I can’t imagine what you went through, but just the thought of losing one of my precious children makes me cry. May the Spirit be with you to comfort you and guide you through this time. May the knowledge you have of the life after this give you some peace. She will be waiting for you and watching over you until you will meet again. My prayers are with you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find some comfort in knowing that your sweet baby is with the only One who could ever love her more than you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart aches for you and your family. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. You picked a beautiful name and please know that little Ruby will not be soon forgotten.
Dear Cori, I can feel your profound grief with the thoughts that you shared and I can feel the pure love you have for Ruby. This is truly a love letter to your sweet baby girl. I am so glad that you were able to hold her so that she was able to feel your warmth and love. God will take care of your sweet Angel and she will be with you always. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby and my thoughts are with you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And as hard as it was to share, your story thank you for doing so. It sometimes feel taboo to discuss such events during pregnancies. Maybe because it hurts too much to share or just embarrassment and guilt. But I know you prayed for whatever his will, let it be done. I have not had a miscarriage but have my mother had to go through something similar. I was only 7 at the time and I remember her crying. She was concerned about the babies (they were twins) and her own (because who would care for my sister and I). Other than my dad’s death, I have never seen her so devastated. A mother’s love is like no other. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Your angel is with the Lord watching over you and the rest of your family.
I don’t really know you, Cori, just happened to find your blog one day and stop by occasionally to enjoy it and see the cute clothes you put together. But, in one sense, I kinda do feel like I know you and I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain that you have had to endure. I pray that the Lord would send His comfort and peace in your heart.
Bless you Cori. You are an inspiration. My prayers and tears are with you at this time. All your feelings and memories are yours, you own them. May you have comfort and support for as long as you need it.
My heart goes out to you (& your family) in this difficult time. Something similar recently happened to one of my best friends and I know that there is nothing I can say that will make things any better for you besides keep in mind that your family and friends love you and care for you so much and will be there for you for whatever you need during this time in your life.
I am so so deeply sorry for your loss. I just (almost two months ago now) lost my baby boy at 17 weeks as well and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We’re still very much grieving, but at the same time, making a “new normal” as we go on with our lives. If there’s any advice I can give you, it’s don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. As long as you’re getting out of bed most days, you just do what you need to do to get through the day and let everything else just BE for now. I’m praying for you, for peace and comfort in the difficult days that follow.
Almost the identical thing happened to my mom when I was 17. We lost my baby brother at 20 weeks, and I got to see him and hold his almost weightless body in my hand too. I never knew that losing a baby could be so painful until it had happened to my family, but the pain was there for weeks. Even now, years later, I don’t tell people that I meet about my 4th and youngest brother, but it’s enough for me and the people closest to me to know that our baby Calin Bennett exists. My prayers are with you and your family!
So sorry for this lost, of course we are mothers since the very moment we know they´re growing inside us, good news is that we have this hope, He will come back for us! You have too many blessings than can make you smile!
I too am one of the many readers who have been following your blog for months, if not years and has been saving up to buy one of your beautiful skirts one day, without ever commenting before. But I felt the need to comment on this, because even though I don’t know you, I feel for you so very much. I hope that you and your family will be able to heal after this painful loss of your sweet little girl.
Cori and family I am in tears reading this beautiful and heart wrenching post about your baby girl Ruby June. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ruby is a beautiful angel in heaven dancing with Jesus.
I just very recently started to follow your blog and I was so saddened to read about the loss of your precious Ruby. I cry with you and rejoice in the miracle that you got to have her growing with you, if even for a little while. I wish you and your family healing and strength. God bless you.
Cori, I’ve read this post three or four times now (as sad as it is, it’s honesty is stunning, and so well written). I cry every time. It must be so agonizing as you continue to put your life back together after such sadness. You are so strong! I’ve said a few prayers for Ruby, and your family. There really aren’t words to properly express my condolences. Still, I send them. Take care of yourself.
You are so very brave and I could not help but cry as I read this post. Thank you for sharing such personal experiences. The wonderful part of this story, as you know, is that you will see your little girl again and that makes me cry even more, but with joy. You are wonderful!
I realize I am commenting a bit late to this post, and that there is a strong possibility that it may even go unnoticed among the 100s of other comments. However I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Because you didn’t need to. And most women don’t. Most women mourn by themselves or with their partner, but never tell friends. And while everyone mourns differently, I do believe that women should feel open to talk about miscarriages. Especially with how common they are.
In the next few years my boyfriend and I plan on marriage and children. I have known for years that I want them. However in the last year or so, my doctor has made it very clear there is a strong possibility that I won’t be able to. And while it breaks my heart, I know I want to try anyway. And I know this means there is a strong possibility I will lose a few.
Seeing your strength gives me strength that it will be worth it. That everything that happens in life has a reason, even if we will never understand it. Sending loving thoughts and prayers <3
I read your blog everyday and I am really unsure as to how I missed this post other than I myself have been preoccupied and also on vacation. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking. I myself have three kids and recently had a miscarriage (my first and only) back in May. Not to plug my own blog because that is incredibly crude for this subject, but if you want to read it it is here: http://franniepantz.blogspot.com/2013/05/breaking-silence.html
No matter how it happens, it is absolutely heartwrenching, even more so when you are a mother already, I think. I am so incredibly sorry for you and your family’s loss. I truly hope that you gain peace. I know that it takes a while.
I feel like I’m babbling and saying all the wrong things but just know I’ve always loved seeing your family through the eyes of your blog and you are incredibly brave and wonderful for writing this. It helps, I think, to share. It did me. It makes it more “real” rather than this little secret. God bless you, your family and little Ruby June.
My family had a similar experience when I was a freshman in high school. My sister-in-law went into labor at 22 weeks. They tried everything to stop it, but nothing worked. We were able to come to the hospital and be just down the hall. Our sweet angel Madison Angie lived for 1 hour and 37 minutes. Holding that baby girl is something I will always remember. Sometimes those perfect spirits only need their body for a few moments and then they get to return to be with Heavenly Father. I’m so sorry for your loss. And if it helps, I’ll remember her too.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, yet grateful that you shared your story with us. I couldn’t help but cry as I read your sweet words. What a blessing it is to know that families can be together forever. I know that you will see Ruby again one day, and I hope that you are feeling the love and comfort that all of us [and the Lord] are sending. You are amazing and so strong, and I hope you never forget that!
Oh Cori you don’t know me but I’ve been following your blog for over a year now – I’m sitting here in tears – Our baby daughter Skyla Grace was born at 24 weeks at the beginning on May and I too was so very grateful my husband and I were able to spend time with her. Thinking of you and your families xo.
i found you blog yesterday through your beautiful clothing line via Kendi Everday. But then I found your blog and now this morning i found this entry and i am crying right now. because i have four littles 10 years to almost 5 years. because i grieve for you (isn’t that what we are supposed to do for those who grieve) and because you acknowledged Ruby’s beautiful life and existence — rather then so many others who want to hush the life out of the the little ones. thank you thank you for this testimony. its so heartbreaking and hard and beautiful all at the same time. i will be praying that the Lord shows you bit by bit his plan each day. that you will run to him when it doesn’t make sense and rest in his great Love.
Oh Cori, I am so so sorry that your sweet Ruby died. Tears are streaming down my face as I read your post and my heart truly aches with and for yours. I also have had to bury dear little ones that only lived in my womb (I have miscarried four babies and buried them alongside one another in the little cemetery down the street – Kolbe Michael, Veronica Marie, Joseph Paul and Teresa Fiata). There is no grief quite like that of burying a baby… and yet there is so much grace and as you so beautifully shared, God is so very close and heaven so real. I love that my children (I have four living children too) know their brothers and sisters in heaven and that they continue to be a very real part of our family. I can’t help but think too how sweet that great day of our reunion will be when we are all together forever and there are never any more goodbyes. Know that a sister in Christ is offering some extra prayers for you today to feel those heavenly graces from your daughter pouring out upon you and your family. (I just recently discovered your blog and have been so inspired that I have been gradually going further and further into your archives – thank you!) – Alison
Cori, I just read this and my heart completely broke for you and your sweet family. I am so very sorry. Praying for you and knowing that one day your sweet Ruby will wrap her arms around you in heaven and two will have eternity to get to know each other. Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt. What a brave woman you are. Xoxo
Oh sweetie, I am so, so very sorry. There are no words. =+(
I am completely heartbroken for you, and sending loving thoughts and prayers from NY.
I’ve lost both my pregnancies myself after trying so long to get pregnant. Hoping my Mr. and I are blessed with a family.
Thank you for sharing your story. Be well, and hold your little dear ones closer.
Reading this I cried for you. Lots of prayers will be sent your way. I know it was hard but thank you for sharing.
This comment has been removed by the author.
My goodness I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have just experienced. I know that you sharing your story has blessed another woman today who has or who is going through something similar just as God has used you and your blog in so many other ways to bless others. I am keeping you in my prayers Cori.
My heart aches for you Cori. I am so sorry that you lost your little girl. I will be praying that God bring you peace. From the small part of you I know from your blog you are an extraordinary mother and an inspiring, gracious woman. Thank you for sharing your story, that took amazing courage and heart.
So sorry you have to go through this…
Oh, Cori. I wept for you and your sweet, tiny baby as I read this. I can’t do anything to help you, but I know God can. Praying that he will surround you and your family with his perfect peace and heal your broken heart.
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers for you and your family during this difficult time. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Cori, I am so so sorry. There are no words. I will pray for peace for you and Craig, and for sweet Ruby June. My heart breaks for all of you. Please know you are in my thoughts. Xo
Oh Cori I am so so sorry to read your heartbreaking story, I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Sending you all lots of strength and a hug to heaven for little Ruby June. Lots of love to you and your sweet family xxx
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Grief stricken. My neighbor just lost her baby girl, Cadence, at 36 weeks, and I’ve been grieving right along with her too. My prayers and love are with your family this week. Remember, God does everything with LOVE and purpose. He is protecting her now.
Steph
Praying for you and your family… My heart aches for you.
Praying for you and your family… My heart aches for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending thoughts to you and your family today.
Take care
I’m so, so, sorry! I don’t know any words to make your pain easier. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you can feel that even though we don’t know you personally, we ache for you and are thinking of you and your family. This verse has always helped me through my hard times b/c it reminds me HE is always there with me, for me.:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
Cori,
I have never commented on here before, but I felt the need to today. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My prayers are with your family. The only thing I can offer is that God does not let us grieve alone, he grieves alongside us. May you be comforted in the days, weeks, and months to come.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for sharing your story. Reminds us all how precious life is…
A mother should never have to bury her child. Sending you love and support from a complete stranger to you and your entire family. Ruby sounds beautiful and perfect. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that she will always be yours. Love. Love.
Prayers for you and your family
Thoughts, prayers, and tears for you and your family.
I’m so sorry Cori. My prayers and thoughts are going out to you and your family. xo
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with your entire family today, and every day after.
Oh Cori, I am so so sorry for your pain and heartache, unfortunately I know your pain far to well. This is the club that no one wants to be a part of and we don’t want another member. Please know that you are not alone in this time of grief, hold strong to your memories of Ruby Jane, the feeling of her kicks inside, know that you have a whole family praying for love, healing and strength for your family.
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” John 14:1-4
First of all, I’m very sorry for your loss and hugs and prayers to you and your family. Second, as someone who have lost a child before, I fully identify with you. The hopes and dreams that goes with that little life, you didn’t realize how precious until it’s gone.
I am so, so sorry for your loss! My prayers are with you and your family.
Oh, Cori. Oh, sweet Cori. Sending hugs, prayers, tears, and much love to you, beautiful perfect Ruby, and your family.
Prayers for you and your family!
I’m so sorry to hear this, but I know your experience will help someone else feel a little less alone. Thank you.
Ruby June knew much love from the moment she was concieved. She will continue to feel this love as she is with her heavenly father. I pray that you and your family will feel that love from her and that it gives you peace. Thank you for sharing this story of heartache and love. Take care of youself.
oh my goodness. my heart is breaking. i’m about 25 weeks and honestly we had just considered that exact name – Ruby June – for a name for our sweet baby girl. i am so sorry. i can’t even imagine. you guys are in my prayers. xo
I’m very very sorry for your loss. Sending you prayers for you and your family.
Oh Cori, I’m so sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine the pain that you and Craig are going through. When I began reading your story, I simply thought you miscarried very early, around 6 or 8 weeks. But to hear that you had to deliver your sweet baby Ruby and not have the opportunity to watch her grow is simply heartbreaking.
I sit here at 39 weeks pregnant with tears in my eyes for your loss, and I’m reminded how much we actually take for granted. Your sweet girl was loved from the moment you knew you were carrying her, and she is now in a much better place. Allow your faith and the support of your family, friends and followers to lift you up from the dark places. You are so incredibly strong and I admire you for putting your story out there for others. While it’s not a happy story, so many others have been in a similar situation and your words may soothe them.
I’m praying for you and your family, Cori. I wish you peace and rest and I know you will get through this as a family.
I don’t think I’ve ever commented on your blog before but faithfully follow your journey. I am sitting here crying at the sadness you and your husband have endured. My heart breaks. Even though I’ve never met you, I am praying for your loss. (((hugs)))
I think it’s important for women to share their stories of loss because it seems easier to pretend that maybe it never happened, but it is not, especially if you feel that your body betrayed you. Thank you. I’m so sorry and can only offer the biggest, warmest internet hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss Cori. You and your sweet family wil be in our prayers.
Crying as I sit here and read this, in a way that only a mommy can understand. I’m so very sorry. God is going to comfort you in a way that only He can.:) I think of you everytime I wear the beautiful skirt you made. Thank you for sharing. Love from Georgia:)
I do not often comment, but I just had to say – my heart and prayers are with you. I could not imagine how painful that experience was for you. I pray that God gives you the grace to heal enough to remember without so much pain. I am sure she is a perfect angle.
This is positively heartbreaking. I am so, so sorry for your loss!
I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through this. I know it was devastating in every way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you all process this.
Shelly
I too, like the other previous posters, am sitting here crying over my coffee and my computer, my heart breaking for you and your family. I dealt with a miscarriage before my three beautiful babies were born, and there is nothing worse to go through. I cannot even imagine, though, the situation you have been through. Thank you for sharing your story. I know how painful it must’ve been to write this, but maybe it will be comforting for another woman who has gone through the same thing and feels alone. I wrote about my miscarriage here:
http://goatandlulu.blogspot.com/2013/06/my-miscarriage.html
And if you’re interested, there’s an organization called The Smallest Gift (thesmalletgift.org) that offers support to families dealing with infant loss.
I am so, so, sorry for the loss of your darling Ruby June. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Crying as I read your painful story … I’m so very sorry, Cori … My prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time ..
So heartbreaking… I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and positive energy your way.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve experienced a miscarriage myself, but more importantly, I forwarded this on to a friend who just lost her baby boy at 30 weeks. I hope you find comfort in eternal families. You’re in my prayers :)
I am so so sorry Cori. No one should have to go through that heartache.
I have been checking in with your blog for months now. I love seeing all things Cori! My Hubs recently surprised me with two beautiful skirts from your collection (which I adore and receive countless compliments on!) This is the first time though, that I knew I needed to comment…
Beautifully told story of the loss of your little blessing. It speaks to me as a Momma and as one who has experienced loss as well. Thank you for your honesty and candor. My prayers are with you and your family. Take comfort in knowing that strangers who’s faces you may never see, are holding you in prayer.
xoxo
Carissa
I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry! HUgs, thoughts, and prayers go out your way. I can hardly see to type this. Thank you for sharing this. You have helped our family with your words, more than you will ever know. Trust me on that one. Hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss….Thinking of you…
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
She will always with you. Never forget that.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. No words, I’m sure, can sum up the hurt you are feeling at this very moment. I will be praying for you and your family as you try and heal.
Megan
Cori,
Your precious Ruby June will always be a part of you and her sweet spirit will be with you every day. Praying strength and comfort to you and your family~ In my prayers~
Susan
I’m so sorry, Cori. You will be in my prayers.
My heart is breaking for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I feel so sad for your baby girl who left this earth too soon. And thankful God has her now. I pray for the comfort and healing that He will grant you and your family and friends during this time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and hoping you’re getting rest and the support you need.
Oh my heart. I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your family as you grieve this loss.
Oh Cori, I so incredibly sorry for your overwhelmingly huge loss. Even though we may never meet here on this earth, know that my heart is breaking for you and you are in my prayers.
I wish you sleep, piece and time to grieve. I know you will never forget. Your post touched me…
I’m so very sorry for your loss and deeply touched by your post. I admire your courage to share your sadness and grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Cori-
I’m so sorry. I don’t think there is anything harder in this life than losing a child, no matter how teeny tiny they are. I, too, had a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with my twins, and it was the hardest thing, both physically and emotionally, for me. I wasn’t even that far along, so I can only imagine how badly you are hurting right now. I like to think that these spirits that pass away before they are even born were so good, that all they needed to get was a body, and then our Father in Heaven wanted them home with him again to give them work to do. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
On a lighter note, I watched our Sober Grad night video (I’m too Sexy….) last week for the first time in years. It made me laugh so hard. Miss you, Cori!
I am so terribly sorry for your loss! In your heart you will always know your precious little girl – of that I am sure!!
I feel your pain, and know all too well the devastation of being betrayed by your own body. My heart breaks for you and your family. For all that you’ve lost, and for the ways you’ll never be the same, I am so sorry. I wish you peace in the long weeks ahead as you try to reconcile this overwhelming loss.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that you are able to rest, ands allow yourself grace as you grieve for your sweet Ruby June. I wish I had some words that would bring you some form of comfort, just know that the arms of The Lord are holding you tightly and lean on him
Oh Cori, I am so, so sorry. My heart is broken for you. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Your ode to Ruby June was expressed so deeply, so beautifully. I am so glad you were able to hold her…to see what she looks like, who she resembles. I hope your moments with her will somehow give you comfort, and that Heavenly Father will give you peace and an abundance of His love right now. Praying for you and your sweet family.
I’m so sorry :(… I don’t have words to describe what I felt when I read your post.. I don’t know to speak English very well (I’m a peruavian girl)but, I unsdertood everything you wrote… so.. ’cause we are LDS, I know you know that Families can be together forever ♫♪… in Heavenly Father’s plan…
Alll my love to you and your family.. and my prayers.
kisses
Lore – Pinkadicta
I’m so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.
I am so very sorry for the passing of Ruby. My prayers are with you, Craig and the littles.
I am so very sorry for the passing of Ruby. My prayers are with you, Craig and the littles.
Bless your sweet family! My prayers are with you and I ask God to give you a peace that passes all understanding during this time! Thanks for sharing.
Jodi
Wow and wow. I’m at a loss for words. With your words and the way you wrote your story I felt like I was in the moment and I had a heartbroken feeling come over me. I’m not sure I could have been as strong as you. You are one strong mama for being able to share something so deep. Many many many prayers for you and your sweet family. I truly pray He will give you peace. xx
Thank you for your honesty and bearing your heart. I am so very sorry for your loss. As I read post and held my own baby (3 months old) I cried and thanked god for his precious life. Because, until you hear of someone else’s pain, you take your own miracles for granted.
Cori, I am so incredibly sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing with us. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Cori – I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
*Crying* I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that…How very, very hard. I’m glad that your family came to see her…they are so good. And that you were in Utah with them. Such an ordeal. I’m glad that you were able to get to the hospital and have a real delivery with your husband there. I don’t know why these terrible things always have to arise in our lives or their significance. But things like this are ALWAYS there…Terrible hurts…Prayers for you and the family…
I cried reading this, and my heart just hearts for you and your family. Praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a touching and special part of you life.
My heart broke while reading this. My prayers to you and your family and your sweet baby Ruby June. God will take care of her now, and you will get to see her again someday!
Prayers and hugs to you and your sweet family during this difficult time<3I have a friend who also suffered the loss of a sweet baby. His name was Caleb and he was full term but only lived a few hours. In his honor every year on his birthday she asks as many people as possible to participate in Caleb's Ark...Acts of Random Kindness. People give acts of random kindness and then post the fun things they have done to her fb wall. It brings her joy to know of all the good that is being done that day to honor her sweet baby<3 People do everything from paying for the food for the person in the car behind them in the drive through line to buying gift cards and handing them out to someone who looks like they need it. I'm sure that you will find a very special way to remember and treasure your dear sweet RUBY<3
Oh my, Cori. I can’t even imagine what it was like to go through all that. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for your family and precious baby Ruby June!
Lots and lots of prayers coming from SLC. I almost lost my little boy in a near drowning accident last week and feel I have a small feeling of what you’re suffering. The Lord knows your heartache and He will never leave you as He finds the right ways to comfort you. Much love :)
Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you continue to have peace knowing that Ruby is with her Father.
Prayers for you. Your sweet Ruby June will NEVER be forgotten. Hugs.
So sorry to hear this Cori. I can’t even imagine. Prayers for you and your family.
Cori I’m so very sorry for your families loss. I cannot imagine going through such a heart wrenching experience. As I sit here and scroll through all of the comments I hope that you find comfort that you’ve shared this story with us and know that you have us to lean on. I pray that you find peace within yourself knowing that one day you and Ruby will meet again. God bless you, your husband, and all of your littles.
Cori, I’m so sorry. To be honest, I never know what to say during these times. A mother’s deepest fears have become your reality and I am so sorry. Many many prayers to you and your family. God bless you all.
Thank you so much for sharing your very sad news. Here I was, going through the exact same thing 5 weeks ago, reading your blog to find happiness. Now I live my tears all over again for you. It is so so hard. Your angel Ruby will watch over your family. Peace and love to you in this super sad time. X
I am so, so sorry.
Thank you for sharing such a very personal story with us. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m praying for your heart as well as your family. Hugs to you!
I am so sorry, Cori. I hope it was therapeutic to write it out and I’m sure it will continue to be so as you read it again in the years to come. I’m glad you have a wonderful husband and family to support you, and a firm knowledge in where Ruby is now. My prayers go out to you and your family!
Cori,
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
Thank you for being so vulnerable. I am sure your story and sweet Ruby June will touch many lives and women in their own places of hurt. Praying for you and your family.
Erin
http://www.bakesomebodyhappy.com
I’m sitting here crying and trying to find words that may comfort you, but can’t. I can’t even fathom what you’re going through, but as a mom, I can somewhat imagine. Many prayers to you and your family.
I have never commented on your blog before, but I am a longtime reader, and I want to tell you how much your story touched me. I am so sorry for your loss. I work in pregnancy research and every story about miscarriages and stillbirths makes me sad and that much more motivated to work toward improving pregnancy outcomes in women.
As you can see, many people care, are grieving with you, and have you/your family in their thoughts.
I hope writing it out helped, even if just a little. I hope you got some rest. I hope you know you are being upheld in prayer.
Wow. Tears and so much love. I can only thank you for giving us the honor to know Ruby through words. There is nothing more truer or real or powerful than words. Prayers to you and yours during this time.
I am so incredibly sorry for you and your family right now. I myself have been through a miscarriage, although it was much earlier in the pregnancy. Even though I can somewhat relate, I still can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m praying for all of you.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Ruby’s life was real and it matters, and I hope that sharing helps in some small way. My prayers are with you and your family. My heart aches for you.
I also want to say that I love the name you picked. So beautiful.
So very sorry for your loss Cori. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family thru this difficult time. May God give you all comfort and peace… {hugs}
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 32 weeks so I know this feeling all too well. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
I”m so very sorry for your loss Cori. I work in Labour and delivery and have had to help women delivery premature and still birth babies. It’s never easy and I’m so glad that they made it easier on you. We do everything in our power to make it easier on the parents. I am so very sorry. Her name is beautiful.
Agi:)
Ohmigoodness Cori. I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through this. Thank you for sharing this. I pray for God’s comfort and peace to fill you and your family.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family…will be thinking of you all tomorrow.
I can only imagine what you’re going through and how difficult it was to share this experience with the world. But I’m always so grateful to those women who do share stories like yours. I believe that it helps to connect us together and to love someone we’ve never even met. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, but I hope you can feel my love and Heavenly Father’s love for you during this time. Thanks for being a great example of a mother and for sharing this story.
I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking and praying for you. Your post was beautiful and the emotions real. Heavenly Father is mindful of you and I can imagine there are angels surrounding you, your family, and your home right now.
Praying for you, your family and sweet Ruby June. I am so, so, so sorry!
What a beautiful memory you have left with us all of your precious daughter, Ruby June. She will now be in the thoughts & prayers of everyone that will read about her and her beautiful short life. I pray that she will continue to send you signs that is she is with the angels & God watching down upon you and your family. Thank you for being brave enough to share something so personal and close to your heart! Blessings and peace!
My heart breaks for you. I wish I had something beautiful and comforting to say, but I know nothing can make up for losing your child and missing those moments and memories you thought you would have.
I will say this, though I never saw her, I’m sure Ruby was perfect. Now she is better than perfect, because she’s in Heaven. She is waiting for you. She’s happy. She’s full of peace and joy. I know you’ll never get to know her on earth, but you can know her in Heaven. She is alive there and she has the most perfect and joyful life. I know it and you know, you will be together again.
I prayed for you and your family last night and you will continue to be in my prayers. I hope you find peace in God.
I am so so very sorry. You are so brave. And I am sure your Ruby girl knows that. Love and prayers sent to you. ((hugs))
My heart is broken for you. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I don’t know you, but I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. At the end you say almost know one will know her or even know she existed. Except, with your blog and sharing something so private, we all know who Ruby June was and how special she was. RIP baby girl.
Cori I am so very sorry. Love you sweet cousin so much and my heart aches for your sweet family. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I can’t imagine the pain and sadness you’ve felt the past few days. We will continue to pray for you!
The words ‘I’m sorry’ are so very inadequate at the moment. But they are the only words in my heart. God will give you the strength to move from one day to the next. Prayers to you and your family.
So very sorry for your loss. I have some understanding of this very personal loss and grief. I also know of the depth of character and compassion that you will gain after knowing such personal heartbreak. This will be a comfort and strength to others. Thank you for sharing here, as doing so has already lent some of that strength to others. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so very sorry to read this. I hope you and your family feel comfort very soon. I too know what it’s like to lose a baby but not that far along. Prayers are being sent your way.
I was so sorry to log on today and read of your tragedy. May God bless your family and heal your broken heart. I am so very sorry for the loss of your little Ruby.
Oh Cori, thank you for sharing your sweet baby with us. What a beautifuuly written testimony of a mothers love and for a Heavenly Father who is here with us always <3
Oh Cori, thank you for sharing your sweet baby with us. What a beautifuuly written testimony of a mothers love and for a Heavenly Father who is here with us always <3
I love your blog but haven’t ever commented before but just felt the need to say how sorry I am for your loss of sweet Ruby! I hope you can find peace and comfort during this very difficult time!
I love your blog but haven’t ever commented before but just felt the need to say how sorry I am for your loss of sweet Ruby! I hope you can find peace and comfort during this very difficult time!
Cori, your beautiful witness of accepting the Father’s will left such an impression on my heart. Though I’ve not been blessed to meet you, I will remember Ruby June and how much you love her. Praying for you and your family. ♡
I have been a silent fan of your blog for about a year and I have been so inspired by you, but never like I am now. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. I hope you are feeling Heaven’s help through this time.
I will be thinking of you on Thursday.
Cori, I just wanted to send my deepest sympathies and love. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling right now, but thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your sweet little angel.
Hi, Cori,
I’ve never commented on your blog before, but I have been following you for a while. Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you all the best. I will keep you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers.
Brandy
Prayers and love for you and your family during this time. I’m so incredibly sorry.
Oh Cori, there are no words. Just prayers for you and your family tonight as I sit here in that dark reading this. Saying a sweet prayer for you and your family.
Cori, I have thought of you so many times since I last saw you that night before you drove away to a new exciting life in UT. I wondered how you were coming along and how your body was holding up. Tears were streaming as I read your sweet words about this very sacred and heartbreaking time. Will be thinking of you as you lay your sweet Ruby to rest.
I have never posted before but I have been following your blog for some time. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your families loss. From everything I have read you are an amazing Mother and sweet Ruby was so lucky that God picked you as her Mother. I will pray for peace and calm as you go through this difficult time.
My heart breaks for you and your sweet family. I hope that you can feel peace and love from our Heavenly Father at this difficult time. I am certain that sweet baby of yours will be watching over your family and waiting till you can be together again. Sending prayers your way….
Dear Cori! My heart breaks as I read this! I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a heart break! You are one strong and wonderful woman. May God help you and heal you in this difficult time….
My prayers go out for your family
So sorry Cori ! and what a beautiful tribute to her in this post.May GOD keep your in his protection always Amen
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. God bless you and your family through this sad time.
Oh, Cori. I’m so, so, SO sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Cori – You don’t know me, but i have truly enjoyed keeping up with your post for quite a while now. It’s part of my lunch routine at work. As I read your story sitting in my cube, I could help but let the tears run down my cheeks. I’m extremely sorry for your loss. I can’t even fathom what you and your family went through that day and in the days to follow. You and your family are in my thoughts!
Oh Cori! There are no words to say how sorry I am for you and Craig. You two are some of the best people I have ever known and I look up to you both.
Thank you for writing this and expressing only what a mother can express. Thank goodness for Eternal Families.
Love to you and your beautiful family.
Katie K.
Dearest Cori, now that I’ve wiped away my tears I want to let you know how much your story touched me. I’ve been following your blog for years now (from New Zealand) and often think how different and yet similar our lives are. Your writing affected me as I know what it is to miscarry. I wanted to share with you that a year (and almost to the day) after it happened to me I gave birth to a wee girl. She was born in June, and we called her Ruby Joy. She has just turned eight and is so beautiful. Your post reminded me of just how much of a blessing she is in our lives. Ruby’s are very special. I hope you can draw much solace and love from your wonderful family. Kia kaha my friend (stay strong) and know that many, many people are thinking of you and sending love.
I hope that sharing your story with so many that may not know you, but care for you just the same, brought you relief, even if it is fleeting. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and from what little I know about you and your family, I have a strong feeling that you will feel loved and supported through this difficult time.
Cori, I have been reading your blog for a long time now but never commented on other posts. I am so sorry for your loss, I am sending prayers your way for peace of mind to you and your family. The Lord is so lucky to be getting such a special angel named Ruby.
Prayers Janelle @ http://www.alwaysjanelle.blogspot.com
What a raw and rich moment in your family. Beautiful and inspired baby name. What reassurance Christ has given us! May you weep all the tears your body needs to weep, and may you smile at the beauty of this perfect soul you briefly embraced.
My heart hurts for you. I remember the first time I took a pregnancy test; I was young and terrified and immediately in love. I wasn’t pregnant. Having a baby taken from me that didn’t even exist hurt more than I thought possible. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to have a precious baby and lose that baby. Sending lots of love your way. I hope it helps to know that you are in so many people’s prayers.
Those words were so wonderfully expressed. I am so sorry that you lost your little girl. I hope your family will feel God’s love at this difficult time.
I am so sorry that you and your family lost a beautiful baby girl. I can not imagine the pain that you and your family is going through. You & your family are in my prayers.
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I have heard of early labor, but I did not think about that happening at 17 weeks. What a traumatic experience. I am 20 weeks along. It seems so much “safer” to get excited once you get past the 12 weeks. Thank you for sharing your experience and your faith that Ruby is in a better place.
I am so very sorry. I ache for you. I too have lost a child, a 17 year old son. I know too well… I pray that your heart will feel the undying love of your perfect little Ruby June. And maybe my remarkable son, James will take her for a little walk in Heaven. My deepest sympathy.
Cori, I have been following you for quite a few years now (since Phoenix the first time) and I have loved following your family around on all of your adventures. Somehow in my mind I have formed an attachment that upon reflection is probably silly and somewhat unhealthy as I think of you and speak of you to my husband as though we really are friends. I sobbed openly when I read of your experience last week. I am completely heartbroken for you and am so very sorry you had to experience that. I know that Ruby is real and that her memory will last forever in your hearts and minds. May the sweet grace of the atonement heal your hearts and give you peace. Prayers for your family at this difficult time.
I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.
I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.
I am so sorry for the loss that your whole family is currently experiencing. I am glad that you had time to spend with her even if very briefly for now.
Oh, I am so sorry for you and your family. My heart broke when I read your story. I can’t imagine what you went through, but just the thought of losing one of my precious children makes me cry. May the Spirit be with you to comfort you and guide you through this time. May the knowledge you have of the life after this give you some peace. She will be waiting for you and watching over you until you will meet again. My prayers are with you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find some comfort in knowing that your sweet baby is with the only One who could ever love her more than you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart aches for you and your family. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. You picked a beautiful name and please know that little Ruby will not be soon forgotten.
Dear Cori, I can feel your profound grief with the thoughts that you shared and I can feel the pure love you have for Ruby. This is truly a love letter to your sweet baby girl. I am so glad that you were able to hold her so that she was able to feel your warmth and love. God will take care of your sweet Angel and she will be with you always. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby and my thoughts are with you and your family.
So heart broken for you and your family. I don’t have fancy words to tell you, that I am praying for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And as hard as it was to share, your story thank you for doing so. It sometimes feel taboo to discuss such events during pregnancies. Maybe because it hurts too much to share or just embarrassment and guilt. But I know you prayed for whatever his will, let it be done. I have not had a miscarriage but have my mother had to go through something similar. I was only 7 at the time and I remember her crying. She was concerned about the babies (they were twins) and her own (because who would care for my sister and I). Other than my dad’s death, I have never seen her so devastated. A mother’s love is like no other. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Your angel is with the Lord watching over you and the rest of your family.
Cori I’m so sorry, keeping you and your family in my prayers. Ruby will not be soon forgotten, your story and her life has touched so many.
I don’t really know you, Cori, just happened to find your blog one day and stop by occasionally to enjoy it and see the cute clothes you put together. But, in one sense, I kinda do feel like I know you and I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain that you have had to endure. I pray that the Lord would send His comfort and peace in your heart.
Cori, my heart goes out to you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss and thinking of you.
Cori, this post made me so emotional. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Xo
Bless you Cori. You are an inspiration. My prayers and tears are with you at this time. All your feelings and memories are yours, you own them. May you have comfort and support for as long as you need it.
My heart goes out to you (& your family) in this difficult time. Something similar recently happened to one of my best friends and I know that there is nothing I can say that will make things any better for you besides keep in mind that your family and friends love you and care for you so much and will be there for you for whatever you need during this time in your life.
I am so so deeply sorry for your loss. I just (almost two months ago now) lost my baby boy at 17 weeks as well and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We’re still very much grieving, but at the same time, making a “new normal” as we go on with our lives. If there’s any advice I can give you, it’s don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. As long as you’re getting out of bed most days, you just do what you need to do to get through the day and let everything else just BE for now. I’m praying for you, for peace and comfort in the difficult days that follow.
Almost the identical thing happened to my mom when I was 17. We lost my baby brother at 20 weeks, and I got to see him and hold his almost weightless body in my hand too. I never knew that losing a baby could be so painful until it had happened to my family, but the pain was there for weeks. Even now, years later, I don’t tell people that I meet about my 4th and youngest brother, but it’s enough for me and the people closest to me to know that our baby Calin Bennett exists. My prayers are with you and your family!
I am so so sorry. Praying for peace for your precious family!
So sorry for this lost, of course we are mothers since the very moment we know they´re growing inside us, good news is that we have this hope, He will come back for us! You have too many blessings than can make you smile!
Dear Cori,
I too am one of the many readers who have been following your blog for months, if not years and has been saving up to buy one of your beautiful skirts one day, without ever commenting before. But I felt the need to comment on this, because even though I don’t know you, I feel for you so very much. I hope that you and your family will be able to heal after this painful loss of your sweet little girl.
My thoughts go out to you all.
Cori and family I am in tears reading this beautiful and heart wrenching post about your baby girl Ruby June. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ruby is a beautiful angel in heaven dancing with Jesus.
God Bless,
Crystal
I just very recently started to follow your blog and I was so saddened to read about the loss of your precious Ruby. I cry with you and rejoice in the miracle that you got to have her growing with you, if even for a little while. I wish you and your family healing and strength. God bless you.
Cori, I’ve read this post three or four times now (as sad as it is, it’s honesty is stunning, and so well written). I cry every time. It must be so agonizing as you continue to put your life back together after such sadness. You are so strong! I’ve said a few prayers for Ruby, and your family. There really aren’t words to properly express my condolences. Still, I send them. Take care of yourself.
You are so very brave and I could not help but cry as I read this post. Thank you for sharing such personal experiences. The wonderful part of this story, as you know, is that you will see your little girl again and that makes me cry even more, but with joy. You are wonderful!
I realize I am commenting a bit late to this post, and that there is a strong possibility that it may even go unnoticed among the 100s of other comments. However I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. Because you didn’t need to. And most women don’t. Most women mourn by themselves or with their partner, but never tell friends. And while everyone mourns differently, I do believe that women should feel open to talk about miscarriages. Especially with how common they are.
In the next few years my boyfriend and I plan on marriage and children. I have known for years that I want them. However in the last year or so, my doctor has made it very clear there is a strong possibility that I won’t be able to. And while it breaks my heart, I know I want to try anyway. And I know this means there is a strong possibility I will lose a few.
Seeing your strength gives me strength that it will be worth it. That everything that happens in life has a reason, even if we will never understand it. Sending loving thoughts and prayers <3
Oh honey, I am so, so sorry. You are such a fantastic person and such a loving mom. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Cori,
I read your blog everyday and I am really unsure as to how I missed this post other than I myself have been preoccupied and also on vacation. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking. I myself have three kids and recently had a miscarriage (my first and only) back in May. Not to plug my own blog because that is incredibly crude for this subject, but if you want to read it it is here: http://franniepantz.blogspot.com/2013/05/breaking-silence.html
No matter how it happens, it is absolutely heartwrenching, even more so when you are a mother already, I think. I am so incredibly sorry for you and your family’s loss. I truly hope that you gain peace. I know that it takes a while.
I feel like I’m babbling and saying all the wrong things but just know I’ve always loved seeing your family through the eyes of your blog and you are incredibly brave and wonderful for writing this. It helps, I think, to share. It did me. It makes it more “real” rather than this little secret. God bless you, your family and little Ruby June.
My family had a similar experience when I was a freshman in high school. My sister-in-law went into labor at 22 weeks. They tried everything to stop it, but nothing worked. We were able to come to the hospital and be just down the hall. Our sweet angel Madison Angie lived for 1 hour and 37 minutes. Holding that baby girl is something I will always remember. Sometimes those perfect spirits only need their body for a few moments and then they get to return to be with Heavenly Father. I’m so sorry for your loss. And if it helps, I’ll remember her too.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, yet grateful that you shared your story with us. I couldn’t help but cry as I read your sweet words. What a blessing it is to know that families can be together forever. I know that you will see Ruby again one day, and I hope that you are feeling the love and comfort that all of us [and the Lord] are sending. You are amazing and so strong, and I hope you never forget that!
Oh Cori you don’t know me but I’ve been following your blog for over a year now – I’m sitting here in tears – Our baby daughter Skyla Grace was born at 24 weeks at the beginning on May and I too was so very grateful my husband and I were able to spend time with her. Thinking of you and your families xo.
dear cori,
i found you blog yesterday through your beautiful clothing line via Kendi Everday. But then I found your blog and now this morning i found this entry and i am crying right now. because i have four littles 10 years to almost 5 years. because i grieve for you (isn’t that what we are supposed to do for those who grieve) and because you acknowledged Ruby’s beautiful life and existence — rather then so many others who want to hush the life out of the the little ones. thank you thank you for this testimony. its so heartbreaking and hard and beautiful all at the same time. i will be praying that the Lord shows you bit by bit his plan each day. that you will run to him when it doesn’t make sense and rest in his great Love.
with deep & profound respect,
Esther
I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet baby girl. Heartbreaking. Much love to you and your family xo
Oh Cori, I am so so sorry that your sweet Ruby died. Tears are streaming down my face as I read your post and my heart truly aches with and for yours. I also have had to bury dear little ones that only lived in my womb (I have miscarried four babies and buried them alongside one another in the little cemetery down the street – Kolbe Michael, Veronica Marie, Joseph Paul and Teresa Fiata). There is no grief quite like that of burying a baby… and yet there is so much grace and as you so beautifully shared, God is so very close and heaven so real. I love that my children (I have four living children too) know their brothers and sisters in heaven and that they continue to be a very real part of our family. I can’t help but think too how sweet that great day of our reunion will be when we are all together forever and there are never any more goodbyes. Know that a sister in Christ is offering some extra prayers for you today to feel those heavenly graces from your daughter pouring out upon you and your family. (I just recently discovered your blog and have been so inspired that I have been gradually going further and further into your archives – thank you!) – Alison
Cori, I just read this and my heart completely broke for you and your sweet family. I am so very sorry. Praying for you and knowing that one day your sweet Ruby will wrap her arms around you in heaven and two will have eternity to get to know each other. Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt. What a brave woman you are. Xoxo