Jeans. T-shirt. boots. hat. necklace.
I love New Years. I really do. I happen to believe in the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate, and I think it’s one of the most hopeful, empowering, and frankly Gospel centered ideas there are. We don’t really need the New Year to come for a chance at a clean slate, but it’s symbolic and it does feel like a good time to start fresh. Which is what I want to talk to you about today.
Several years ago, my family and I experience a series of unfortunate events. (No, I’m not talking about the movie.) We call 2013 the year from Hell, and I don’t put that lightly. We moved for the 3rd time in 2 years, my parents began a painful divorce, we lost our baby girl, Ruby, my husband was gone traveling for work almost constantly, and we had a ton of business setbacks and stress. 2014 provided little relief. Another move, more family stress, a kickstarter to complete with so many supplier issues, me racked with grief and post-partum depression and anxiety, I’d like to forget about 2014 as well. When we got to the end, I was still a mess. I weighed less than I did in high school, because when I have bad anxiety, I can’t swallow. And I’d had crippling anxiety for almost a year. I remember sitting down at the beginning of 2015, just about at this time in fact, and thinking to myself, that things were going to start to get better. I could feel it. And they did. My anxiety levels dropped, I started eating again, we let go of some of our stresses, I decided to take a break from my business so I could enjoy my family again, and also heal.
But the truth is, it took a long time for me to really get better. And now that I’m on the other side of it, that I can really honestly say that I am better than I have been in so many years, maybe ever, I want to share something with you.
I could have been better so much sooner. I didn’t let myself.
I don’t say this to be hard on me, it’s just the truth. I have given myself grace and moved on, but the honest to goodness truth is, I held on to a lot of pain and regret and stress, and it held me back for so much longer than it should have. I lived my life from a place of fear and scarcity. There was always the chance of something else horrible happening. There was never enough time or love, or patience or money, or {enter whatever else} to go around. But it wasn’t really true.
Did my fear of something bad happening stop anything bad from happening? No. It just robbed me of any joy I could have felt while things were fine and normal, or even good. It was a dark shadow over all the good things in my life. It made me ineffective. It stole my grit. And it was the same with the feeling of scarcity I lived with. It made me feel frantic, like I was always running behind, like I didn’t have enough of me to serve and love everyone in my life, to fulfill my obligations, to be better, to hope for more, and believe it was coming.
I don’t know exactly when things started to get sunny again for me. They say time is a great healer, and it happened so subtly that sometime over the last year and a half, my mindset started to shift on it’s own. And when it shifted enough for me to notice, I realized that I had a chance. And then, things really changed. I started doing things that would intentionally change my mindset and that’s when the magic really happened.
I have so much to share about what it was that I did, physically and mentally to take myself to a new place, a place of peace, and joy and abundance, but I will save that for another day. Today I just want to share one simple truth with you.
If you want to change your whole life, you can do it right now, today.
I know this, because I did it the wrong way for a very long time, until suddenly I didn’t, and then, well, I was free. And it was beautiful.
Here’s the truth:
“You can change anything you want to change, and you can do it very fast. It is a falsehood to believe that it takes years and years to change. It takes exactly as long to change as it takes you to say, “I’ll change”—and mean it.” -Jeffrey R. Holland.
So if you are like I was, holding on to hurt or fear or a feeling of scarcity, I want you to look at yourself today and accept the truth. That you can let all of that go. If you want to change your whole life you can do it today. Right now, in this new year, it’s a clean slate. We can be washed clean of the past, we know that we can, through the atonement. It’s as simple as believing Christ, and then getting up and changing how we live, what we think, and how we feel.
I’ll just finish with my favorite quote of all time:
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Come back, because I’ve going to share some of the simple things I did last year that made a huge difference for me.
Thank you. This is something I needed to read today.
Beautifully said.
What a beautiful post. I love it. I too, had a very difficult 2013
and 2014. The last quote is life changing and I thank so much
for being open and sharing your life.
Thank you. 2012 was a crippling year for me. I’m still trying to recover. I’m ready, now. Can’t wait to hear your advice.
Thank you for this.
Thanks so much for sharing. It’s so easy to keep beating myself up with yesterday’s blunders and absurdities. But donngbthat doesn’t make me better today, just more distracted from accomplishing what I was created to do and be.
Thanks for posting, I had a horrible 2018. I like the clean slate of starting a new year too!
Love this! Look forward to hearing the steps you took and any advice you offer!! Anxiety is a horrible, horrible thing! Thank you for sharing!
This really spoke to me. The last year or two have been hard. I decided I was going to set down the bitterness, the worry, the anxiety I’ve been carrying around – and replace it with kindness and love…because that is much lighter to carry and easier on the heart. I’m not perfect and I’m still figuring things out. I hope your burden is lighter so that your heart may continue to be open to life’s blessings.
You look so beautiful in these photos!!! Thanks so much for sharing! I to sometimes think my emotions or liking to stay in a crappy mindset/pity has set me back or held me back just because I thought it’s just better to live that way. I am so glad those dark years are behind you, you really did go through a whole lot. I can 100% understand about loosing weight and having anxiety. My body reacts the same way and although it’s not my favorite, it’s how my body reacts. But I’ve also found freedom and it’s sooooo much better to live that way and have a fresh and new mindset! The mind is so powerful and something I have been really focusing on lately.
Katie | http://www.sunshinestyleblog.com
I want to take a moment and thank you for sharing this with us. I really needed to read this today.
What a powerful and truthful message. Thanks for getting personal; at times we all need to let others in. It’s so comforting after you tell your story to hear the words- “me too” . I believe many (myself included) are saying those words to you!
Thank you for this post. 2018 was our hard year. Military life isn’t exactly easy to begin with, but 2018 really knocked the wind out of us time and again. I’m struggling to let myself settle down again, but I know I need to give myself some grace and time.
I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing! Looking forward to the next post.
Love this! Reminds me of a quote my pastor, Ray Ortlund, Jr. often shares from his dad, Ray Ortlund, Sr:
“Jesus wants to express his fullness through you. Always begin your thinking and your planning and your deciding from the standpoint of Jesus’ fullness in your life. Always begin with the plenty of God. Face life with all you have in Christ. Never face life from the standpoint of all the problems and all the needs and all the difficulties. Always begin with your standing in Christ. You have rivers of living water, Christ in you, fullness of grace and truth. That’s what Jesus gives us!”
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/ray-ortlund/fullness-and-plenty/
Thank you for your blog post. This is something I needed to read today, which only reaffirmed what I have been working on the last few weeks. A bad cold knocked me out over Christmas break, and I’m still not 100%. BUT I have a 110% mindset and 2019 is going to be as great as I make it! Blessings to you in the new year!
I am in tears. I had a day full of anxiety. I am not sleeping well. I just apologized to my children for my horrible behavior. Thank you !
Thank you, Cori. This means so much for you to share this. I will take the last quote with me into the new year. xo
Thank you for sharing your story. It was very moving and easy to relate to. It’s not easy to be so vulnerable and share so much of your life. You are helping so many. Prayers for a happy, healthy 2019 ❤️
I love that Emerson quote! I had it on a magnet by my desk throughout my time in graduate school years ago but had all but forgotten it. 2016 was a hellish year for me- had to turn in my post doc advisor for research misconduct, my husband ( our primary earner at the time) lost his job and my best friend was diagnosed with stage three melanoma all within a month of each other. Since then we have recovered, new positions, new town, and most importantly my friend is in remission but we still aren’t back to normal. But my husband and I decided that this is the year we start to live again and we are working on a plan to do just that. I am looking forward to your advice and wish you a happy new year!
Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
Oh my goodness. I can relate to this on so many levels. But I just want to say thank you. I needed to read this and you posed some new perspective for me. You are lovely. And I adore your IG account and blog. Thank you for being personal, when normally you don’t. What a blessing this post was!
Thank you, thank you, Thank you for opening up and sharing your experiences. Your thoughts were an answer to prayer! Keep sharing your goodness and light!!
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing! I recently described this past year as a year I went into hibernation while figuring out how to become a mom. I am ready for a fresh start, and for a more confident, social and less anxiety-driven 2019!
I love this. Thank you so much for sharing! <3
Thank you for sharing. I had several tough years too beginning in 2012. It’s finally been the last year or so where I’ve been able to stop ‘circling the wagons’ (that’s the phrase I always use) and really feel like I’m living again. It takes work and effort for sure to face anxiety and work through it, but so worth it in the end. I look forward to your next post and learning about your tools you use.
Cori,
I love you and the way you teach through words. What a true gift you have to communicate a powerful message. Love you to the moon and back sis.
Meg
2017 was my year of such great sadness. I lost my husband of 26 years suddenly to a medication allergy, he was 57. I never thought I would be a widow at the age of 52.
You never realize how good you have it until you don’t have it any more. How I miss him. I had so many things to figure out. So much I needed to learn.
My Dad just passed away in October. It’s so hard to grieve for the two men that I love so much . I am thankful I have my two of three brothers close by to help me out.
2019 is my year of stop blaming myself. I think my husband is telling me to “LIVE”, It seems whenever I type the word “LOVE” it comes out as “LIVE”. I think it is his way of telling me to “LIVE ” every day to it’s fullest.
Dan died February 18th, 2017 @ 3:33 pm. He has his way of showing me that he is my gaurdian angel, he gives me a sign by using 333 in various ways. Not only to me but also with my children.
When people asked what they could do for me and my kids I woulf tell them to hug your family a bit more tighter and always say how much much you live them and be sure they say it back! You just never know!
Thank you for showing me there is a strength deep within that will shine when it knows you are ready. Thank you for being so brave! Happy new begginings 2019!!
This is so beautiful. I truly believe in the power of positivity and in our oqn ability to make the best or worse of anything. I’m really working on enjoying each day and moment as it is now, and not always looking for what is NEXT. Happy new Year to you!
Hi Corilynn,
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I can’t wait to tune back in through 2019…I know you will have many gifts to share. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO REAL…I know that isn’t easy. Wishing you a magical 2019! XO