Blazer: H&M (similar.) Sweater: Loft. (similar.) Silk Blouse: Everlane. Boots: Steve Madden. (similar.) Jeans: Forever21. (amazing pair.)
We spent the end of our holiday season up in Eastern Idaho at my in-laws homestead. I like to visit up there. It easy to feel peaceful in such a quiet place, and I feel like I know Craig better when I’m watching the horses he rode and driving past the fields where he moved pipe growing up. It reminds me what a good, decent hard-working human being I married. And I remember to be grateful for him.
I don’t know about you, but it seemed, in the last few days of 2013 that my media feeds were flooded with slideshows of everyone’s year. Most of them exclaiming that 2013 had been the best ever. I didn’t mind it, it makes me happy to see how happy other people are. There was a time in my life, a more insecure time, where I might not have felt that way, but I do now. But just in case there’s someone else out there who’s struggled this year, I want you to know, that 2013 was not my greatest. In fact, it turned out to be the very most heartbreaking year of my entire life. When I think about all the sadness that surrounded me, and the people I love most last year, all the heartbreaking moments, I can hardly bear it. I can’t think of those things much, it makes me feel like the grief will wash over me and I will drown in it. I don’t think I will be able to look back on 2013 for a long time without feeling that, and maybe that’s okay.
Mr told me last night that I should stop trying to force myself out of the grief. (I’m a real, get back on the horse, put on a happy face type person, which hasn’t really worked this year) He told me that I should just live the way I want to live and let time heal what I haven’t been able to yet and not try to make myself feel anything. I like that idea. And I think he’s right. Sometimes, it takes God a long time to heal our hearts. Sometimes, He lets us hurt, and hard so that He can mold us into something different than we used to be. Sometimes, he lets life break us down, so he can build us up. 2013 almost broke me, but I am looking forward now. Maybe it’s His hand, or maybe it’s faith. But either way, I feel like 2014 is looking bright.
I’m happy to greet the sun.
