This dress makes me super cheerful and some days that’s what you have to do to get out of a funk. Put on something cheerful.
Saturday marked three months since we lost our Ruby girl. It’s funny, because I see her in my head and my heart. All the time. And she doesn’t look like that tiny little baby I held for too brief a time in the hospital, she looks like a little girl. I’d like to think my momma heart knows her, and I think that I do. I have felt her so many times in the last three months. My goodness, every time I see a sunset I feel her close to me. The night before she was born and died, I laid in a warm bath begging my body to stop laboring. I could feel her turning around inside of me, and I knew that this was the only time I would feel her alive on earth. I felt her spirit, and if you are a mother you understand that connection. I’ve felt it with every single one of my babies. And when they are born it’s like “oh hello, there you are, I knew that was you.”
This last summer was one long rainstorm for me. Do you know how there are times in your life when the trials just pour down around you? That’s what this year has been for me, and I have felt for many months now that I’ve been walking through my own personal Gethsemane. It’s strange because even though losing her has been so so painful, somehow in those moments when I buckle under the weight of it, when I know that it’s all going to crush me, every bad or sad thing that’s happened in the last few months, I feel her close, and it’s that same little spirit I felt that night in the bathtub.
Now when the clouds hide the sun, I wait and watch and sooner or later the sun peeks through the billows and sends rays dancing down to the earth. I think that it’s my little Ruby saying hello.
Dress: Anthropologie via Ebay. Sweater: Nordstroms (old.) Clutch: Melie Bianco via DSW. Similar. Shoes: JCrew Factory. Belt: Old.