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When I got pregnant with Ruby a mere 4 months after giving birth to Ava I really couldn’t understand the Lord’s timing. I mean I was really happy, because I love my babies, but I was also kind of hyperventilating too. My milk, which is almost inadequate in the best of circumstances started to dry up, and that broke my heart, I love nursing my babies. We were a few short weeks from moving our little family cross country again and making a major life change. I had a huge amount of stuff in the works for my clothing line. And I’m ashamed to say I was dreading the comments and the “can’t you control yourself” looks.
Now I can see the Lord’s hand in the timing so very much more, because every time my uterus feels so heartbreakingly empty, every time I feel one of those phantom baby kicks and realize there’s nothing in there, I still have a round squishy little butterball of a baby who is so happy and still lets me rock her to sleep and kiss her chubs and cuddle her as much as I want. I still miss my other baby, I still want her so badly, but that time after you give birth is such a physical time and I think that all that skin-to-skin and cuddling and holding is just as good and necessary for the mom as it is for the baby. I can’t imagine how my body would be rebelling against me right now if I didn’t have Ava to fill that emptiness. Everywhere I look I see so many tender mercies, so much evidence that the Lord is aware of me, and loves me.
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beautiful post — stay strong cori! xo
http://allthingsprettyandlittle.blogspot.com/
So very well said…..my heart goes out to you! So very true about the Lord’s timing :) And you do have an adorable one to snuggle!
I have been praying for our Savior to comfort you and help you and your family during this difficult time. My Lucy was born on November 16, 2012 and is very close in age to your Ava. I, too, rock her to sleep each night and take every chance I get to kiss and cuddle with her.
II Corinthians 1:3-4: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
I admire your grace, Cori. I became unexpectedly pregnant when my youngest was just 4mo too (I was nursing on demand! he did not sleep through the night! it wasn’t supposed to happen! how would I tell work my return from maternity leave would be so brief!) and at first I struggled to be excited and then once I was, I lost the pregnancy. And times like those, I wish I was a more spiritual person that had faith to lean on.
Thanks for sharing the lovely photos and powerful sentiments.
You, too, can have that faith. The book of John is a marvelous place to start. God loves you soooooo much!
So happy to see these pictures of you smiling and cuddling with your baby. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Sofia Vergara?
Love the braids on you and your sisters. Such beautiful women you all are. That’s a blessing it itself. Beauty = freedom and the power of influence. The power to reach others.
Gorgeous photos, Cori! So sorry for your loss.
Xo, Amanda
theamandakathryn.blogspot.com
Such a beautiful post and fantastic perspective on what is otherwise such a tremendous loss! That Ava of yours is all kinds of cuddly goodness and I can’t wait to hear what exciting adventures await your gorgeous family.
Yes, the Lord is aware of you and loves you deeply. Beautiful post.
This is such a beautiful post. God’s timing is amazing and so hard to understand at times but when we realize what happens because of that timing, it’s an amazing feeling. I’m glad beautiful Ava is there with her cute chubby cheeks to fill you with love!
-Chelsea
chelsandthecity.blogspot.com
I have Irish twins myself. I remember the looks and the comments from everyone including the Dr and nurses. “Well, now you know how this happens so you can prevent it next time.” My husband and I were almost embarrassed at first. Unlike you though, I was able to keep my 2nd baby in this life and feel blessed everyday for my little “surprise”. I can’t imagine the pain you must feel when you think about Ruby. All I can say is keep clinging to your precious Ava and wonderful other littles. I’ve been told that the other children you have (alongside the Lord) are the only thing that can get you through a loss such as this. Good luck on your journey.
I’m good at stating the obvious. Oh, my goodness. You’ve switched your blog to your online shop.