when life gives you a stomach bug: how to learn to be resilient.

Sweater. Top. Jeans. Similar Loafers. Similar bag. Sunglasses.

Last weekend was going to be very busy, but we were all excited about it.  The kids had a dance, play practice, and then a fundraiser dinner at our church for their summer camps.  Craig and I were planning to get some business work done, work on the bathroom we’re remodeling, pick up a new phone for me, and go car window shopping.

But on Friday morning, Ava woke up with a stomach ache, and by 7:30 a.m. she was throwing up.  Which meant, while the kid’s weekend plans stayed pretty much the same, I spent the majority of the weekend cleaning up after a sick little 5-year-old, and Craig spent his weekend shuttling the kids and picking up the slack for me being out of commission.  Ava was so sad that she didn’t get to go to the special dinner.  I told her, sometimes that’s just what happens.  You make plans and then life gives you a stomach bug.

I used to think I was really resilient.  I’d always been a hard worker and I’d endured some difficult things as a kid/young adult. Craig and I started our life together with basically nothing and we’d built something good out of it.  I’d given birth 4 times, and I thought I was tough, resilient.  Then a few years back, we had a really rough year.  I had Ava and had some major PPD, we moved, I got pregnant again really soon after I had her which came with a bunch of complications, my parents announced they were getting divorced, our baby Ruby was stillborn, more PPD- and way more severe, we had a bunch of setbacks in the business we were trying to grow, my husband was working mostly out of state,  I could honestly go on, but you get the picture.  Life was throwing a whole bunch of stomach bugs at us at once and you know what I learned about myself?  I wasn’t as resilient as I thought I was.  I kind of cracked actually.  (We’re talking barely able to get out of bed, laying in the fetal position.  It was not a proud moment for me.)

I stopped doing things I normally did, things that made me happy and successful at life, and overall I was really floundering.  It took me years to get my feet back under me.  And when I’d woken up enough to realize that I didn’t want to be so constantly wracked with anxiety, that I wanted to feel strong and resilient again, I became obsessed with learning how to do it.

What I’ve learned is that being resilient is really more about being mentally strong.  And anyone can develop mental strength, but like any muscle development, it takes time, exercise and a lot of hard work.   But anything worth doing requires hard work, consistency, and patience, and developing mental strength and resilience is worth doing.

I’ve read a ton of books and listened to lots of podcasts in the last few year, and I’ve really tried to implement the things I’ve learned.  I’m definitely not where I want to be yet, but when I look back at where I was just 4 years ago, I can’t believe the difference.  Today I thought I would share a simple list (and one that I find the most helpful as a guide) with you of 13 things mentally strong people don’t do.

(these are taken from Amy Morin’s book) I will share a few of my favorite books related to developing mental strength below.

13 things mentally strong people don’t do:

1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.  Life is hard on and for everyone, don’t waste time thinking it’s picking on you.  It’s not personal, it’s just life.  Feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t serve you.  (Trust me, I know.)

2. They don’t give away their power.  You can’t always control what happens in life, but you can control how you respond to it.  You can choose to let the bad things define you, or you can define yourself.

3. They don’t shy away from change.  Mentally strong people embrace change, they don’t try to force everything to stay the same.

4. They don’t focus on things they can’t control.  Accept the things you can’t control and don’t worry about it.  And especially let go of the idea that you can control other people.  You can’t.

5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone.  The truth about it is, some people are never going to like you.  You can’t make them like you, and that’s okay.  When you let go of the idea that you have to make everyone happy it frees you do what you were made to do.

6. They don’t fear taking calculated risks.  This one is hard for me, I’ve always been risk-averse, even more so once I became a mom, but to do anything worthwhile in life, we have to dare greatly.

7. They don’t dwell on the past.  It’s in the past, and that means, you can’t change it.  Learn from it, and let it go.

8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over.  See above.  Learn from the past, and make the necessary changes.

9. They don’t resent other people’s success.  Someone else’s success does not diminish your worth.  Mentally strong people cheer others on.

10. They don’t give up after the first failure.  If at first you don’t succeed, mentally strong people try, try again.

11. They don’t fear alone time.  They embrace it and they use it to reflect and refuel.

12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything.  I’m always telling my kids this.  The world doesn’t owe you anything, you’ve got to work for it, create it, earn it.

13. They don’t expect immediate results.  Good things worth achieving take time, patience, hard work and consistency.  Sticktoitiveness is a core attribute of mentally strong people.  So whatever you’re working towards, stick with it.

Here’s are some of my favorite books for developing mental strength:

I’ll just end with one of my favorite quotes:

“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is yesterday and other is called Tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly love.” Dalai Lama

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