Last week, Hannah ran for student council president. She’s still fairly new to the school, so you’d think that would stop her, but nope, she decided to run anyway. Of all her wonderful qualities, I think my favorite is her quiet drive. She’s one of those kids who never has to be told to do her homework, she’s responsible and motivated. When she decides she wants to do something, she doesn’t make a big spectacle of it, she just gets to work and makes it happen. I kept asking her if I could help her with anything on her campaign, and she just said, “I got this mom.”
When I opened the front door Friday afternoon, there stood Hannah, beaming ear to ear. “You’re looking at the next student council president.”
It was definitely one of those proud mom moments.
When I was a new mom, I used to worry all the time. Mostly about how my kids would turn out, and whether I was doing the right things with them; teaching them how to become good, solid human beings. After a few years, I realized that they all came with their own unique personalities; they were already filled with goodness. My job was to help them see all the best that was already in them, to act on that goodness and reach their full potential. To help them develop confidence in themselves and their abilities, and teach them to use those abilities to do good.
I also learned that my approach to doing that was a little different with each child, and that how I approach teaching my boys to be their best selves is different from how I approach teaching my girls.
Today I want to focus on 3 things I’ve done to help my girls develop confidence in their abilities, and compassion for others. I believe this is the best thing I can do for them as a mother.
Little girls who are confident and kind, grow up to be women who change the world.
Help them find and develop their talents. I’ve always thought that my role as a mother was not to force my talent agenda down their throat, but rather to discern their unique gifts, then help them see and develop them. I grew up dancing, doing gymnastics, cheerleading, you name it. And I loved every minute of it. When Hannah was born, I thought it was something she would naturally love to. Turns out, she hates dancing. It doesn’t come naturally to her, and she doesn’t enjoy it. And that’s okay with me, as it should be. She has so many other talents that bring her joy, that she works hard at developing, and I’ve always been glad that she felt confident and comfortable enough to say, “I don’t think this is for me.”
As a parent I’ve found one of the best ways to help my kids develop talents (especially those subtle ones that don’t involve a tutu or a uniform) is to just slow down enough to pause in a moment and point it out to them. When I notice that one of my kids has a knack for something I point it out, and I give them little ideas for doing more with it. Get them excited about developing their talents, big and small. Developing talents builds an incredible amount of confidence.
Give them opportunities to serve. My husband and I have always felt very strongly about teaching our kids to serve others. Kids need to learn that it’s not all about them. Serving those around you cultivates a kind heart and fills you with confidence in your ability to be a force for good in this world. I want my kids to develop those two things most, so we give them opportunities to serve. Whether it’s helping me prepare a meal for someone who needs it, or helping dad with yard work after he’s worked a long day, doing something small and thoughtful for a sibling, or encouraging them to get involved and organize service in the community, service is a very important part developing confidence.
Give them space to express themselves. I think one of the keys to developing genuine confidence is learning that you are truly unique. That comes in part with self-expression and creativity. Whether it’s art, music, the way you make a bed, give a speech, the kind of books you like, or even how you organize a closet, self-expression is a vital part of developing confidence.
One of the ways I like to express myself is in the way I get dressed. Putting together outfits or designing a new dress, are things that are fun and light me up. Plus, I’ve always believed that being confident on the outside helps you feel confident on the inside, so whether or not clothing design and styling is their passion, I’ve always encouraged my girls to make an effort with their outfits, and put their own personal touch on it. I love seeing how they’ve developed their own personal style, especially now that Hannah’s a teenager.
I took them fall shopping at Nordstrom last week. Hannah’s a big mixer and matcher (she’d be a master at a capsule wardrobe) and she chose a great versatile long sweater, with some booties that will (in her words) “go with everything.” We all call Ava our bruiser princess, because she loves pretty things, she super sweet and affectionate, but she’s totally rough and tumble too. If her brothers out romping in our woods or building a rope swing, you can bet she’s out there with them. She loves a good pair of boots she can run around outside in, and this season she chose this cute red hunter pair, with a ruffley shirt because as I said: bruiser princess. (ps. If you’re looking for good kids clothes, I love the Tucker and Tate line at Nordstrom, because their pieces are super cute and the prices are great.)
This is my first time ever commenting on a blog post, but I just had to say, you’re such a wonderful mom! Your girls are beautiful, and Hannah looks JUST like you Cori!
THIS post! You put what’s been on my heart lately into words. Giving them opportunities to serve is something I struggle with , but am trying to be better about incorporating into my girls’ daily lives. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and tips.
Loved this post. You’re definitely a mom I look up to.
thank you Kadee! Miss you sweet friend!
This is my first time ever commenting on a blog post, but I just had to say, you’re such a wonderful mom! Your girls are beautiful, and Hannah looks JUST like you Cori!
Hi Ann, thank you so much for your kind words. You really made my day. xoxo
thank you Ann. So unbelievably kind. xoxo
THIS post! You put what’s been on my heart lately into words. Giving them opportunities to serve is something I struggle with , but am trying to be better about incorporating into my girls’ daily lives. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and tips.
it’s so hard with kids to find opportunities. I try to remember even the small things teach great lessons.